Always & Forever (Nick & Bailey #2)

42. Bailey

Nick looks tired—like he hasn't slept at all.

I'm sure I look like a troll that lives under a bridge, but Nick is too beautiful to ever look troll-ish. I don't know if I've ever seen him this rough, though. His skin is pale which only makes the dark circles under his eyes more prominent.

"Can I come in?" He asks tentatively from the hallway. "I know you said you wanted space."

I sit up in bed, letting my blanket fall off of me. I'm in cotton pajama shorts and one of Nick's t-shirts that he left here for me to sleep in. I've had it on since I showered yesterday in an attempt to snap out of my mood. It obviously hadn't worked.

"Yes. Shut the door behind you, please."

Nick looks confused but does as I ask. "Your parents are here. They won't care?"

"Not this time."

I can see those words have an effect on Nick, as he realizes what they might mean. I move to the side of my bed, my feet resting on the floor, and wait for Nick to sit next to me.

We are silent. I can hear the backdoor open and close downstairs before both my parents' and Ian's cars start up and back out of the driveway.

"Did they leave because of me?" Nick asks.

"I don't think so, but...maybe." I answer honestly.

He looks down at his lap. "I get it."

Silence again. After the last few days of doing nothing but reflecting and considering, I know what I want to say, but I don't know how to start.

Nick clears his throat. "So I want to explain what happened the other night."

"Don't, Nick. I don't want to know anything more about that. I don't care anymore."

"Why not? You should."

"Well...I do, actually. But it's not what's on my mind right now." I turn to look him in the eyes. I can already see the pain. I repeat the words I said to him two days ago because they still hold true. "I can't do this anymore, Nick."

His voice is shaky. "Wh—what do I need to do?"

"Nothing. There's nothing to do anymore."

"We've already tried this, Bailey, when we took a break at the beginning of summer. You know we can't be apart."

I shake my head. "It's different this time, Nick. We're not getting back together."

He turns away from me, placing his elbows on his knees and staring at the floor. After a few seconds, I see him wipe under his eyes. "You said you'd never leave me."

"And you said you'd never break my heart, but you have, over and over." I don't know why I'm not crying. I feel like I should be. But more than anything, I just feel relief that these words are finally being said.

"And it's just what you do, Nick. You sabotage every good thing like you enjoy being miserable. You kiss my friend after prom, or you take back an 'I love you', or you go to a stranger's house and get high.

"And that's your prerogative. It's your life, Nick." He finally turns to look at me, his eyes are red. I can tell he's trying to control his tears by the thin line his mouth is forming, but he isn't able to. I swallow deeply, composing what strength I have left. "But it's not my life--not anymore--waiting for the next bombshell to explode. Not for one more day, or one more hour, or one more second. I'm done. I have to be."

"I'm not ready to give up on us, Bailey. I will work on it. I'm willing to fight for us."

I sigh. "I know they say that relationships are hard, but I don't want that. I want easy. I want drama-free. And that's not this."