Always & Forever (Nick & Bailey #2)

45. Bailey

Three months later:

"So what are your birthday plans?" Ian asks me over the phone.

"Nothing," I answer. "I plan on finishing a gallon of ice cream and going to bed early."

"Bai, come on. It's our birthday, you need to snap out of this."

"Snap out of what? For all you know, I could be out partying every night and just need a break. That's why I'm staying in."

"Your roommate called me," Ian confesses, and my jaw clamps shut momentarily.

"Abby tattled on me?!?"

"She didn't 'tattle' on you. She was genuinely concerned and wanted to know if I'd ever seen you like this before. I told her I hadn't."

"I'm fine," I lie.

"Please do me a favor, have fun tonight. It's just one night, and then you can go back to moping around."

"Okay," I lie again. What's the point in ruining his birthday by worrying about me?

He sees through me, but he switches to a softer tone. "Bai, moving on is hard. I get that. But you have to try. It's been three months."

Like I don't know how long it's been? I know how long it's been to the second since I last saw Nick. The image of his sad, heartbroken, disappointed face turning and walking out of my room is something that will never leave me. I should have said something, some sort of goodbye. Or given him a hug, or reminded him that I still love him despite everything. I was afraid of giving in—not following through with the breakup—so I stayed silent and unmoving. I'll regret it forever.

I wonder if Ian has talked to him. I don't think so, though.

"There will be other guys, Bai. I'm sure you will have a hundred guys fall in love with you before you're done here."

I shake my head, though I know Ian can't see me. Because even if I find someone new, I know that no one will ever love me like Nick did. It won't ever be quite the same.

"I'm trying, Ian," I finally say.

I hear him sigh. "It'll be okay. I promise that eventually you will be alright."

"I better go. If I'm being forced to go out tonight. I have to get ready."

"Happy birthday, sis."

"Happy birthday. Tell Amanda I said hi."

"I will. Love you."

"Love you, too."

I hang up and set my phone down on my side table. I couldn't talk about Nick anymore. I haven't cried once today, and I don't want to start now. But looking around my small bedroom, I know there is not a single spot in here that I haven't broken down at least once.

And still, going out into the real world and having to pretend like I'm not dying inside fills me with an even greater dread.

I miss Nick. It's all-consuming, like a tidal wave that keeps rising higher and higher. I keep waiting for it to crash, but it never does.

My phone vibrates, and I grab it quickly, hoping against hope that it's Nick.

It's not. It's a text from Veronica wishing me a happy birthday and wanting to make plans to come see me soon. I send her a quick, standard response and lie back down, staring at the ceiling.

How long until it stops? Until I no longer expect to see him when I open my eyes in the morning or until my stomach doesn't do somersaults every time my phone rings?