Always & Forever (Nick & Bailey #2)

55. Bailey

"It's not much," Nick warns me as he stops in front the door to his apartment and digs out his keys. "It's just me here, so I found the cheapest thing I could find that wasn't actually falling apart."

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Nick."

He opens the door for me to enter and follows behind. He wasn't lying, it is a small studio apartment. The living room consists of a coach, a desk with several piles of textbooks covering it, and a tall dresser against the back wall. The small kitchen has a two burner stove, a few cabinets, and a thin refrigerator. There are two other doors off of the main area which I can only assume are a closet and bathroom.

It is clean, though. I've entered some bachelors' apartments and wanted to immediately turn the other direction. But Nick has dishes on a drying rack next to his sink, and I can see vacuum tracks on the carpet. "You've really domesticated yourself," I compliment him.

"No. That was Lynn. She is so particular about making sure the house is clean before going to bed, and, I don't know, it rubbed off on me at some point."

"So you lived together?" I try to sound casual.

"Um, yeah. For the last five years."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I see. That's cool."

Nick either doesn't notice or pretends not to. "I don't drink much anymore but I think I have a bottle of wine that she and Cam got me for a housewarming present. Do you want me to open it?"

"Yes," I answer. I feel out of my element here with this new Nick. "So you still hang out with Cam?"

"That's actually an interesting story."

I hear him opening the refrigerator and cabinets and take the opportunity to look at the pictures he has hanging on the walls. The first one I come across is of Nick and a dark haired girl who must be Lynn. Between them is a toddler in a high chair wearing a birthday hat donning 'My First Birthday' with white icing smeared across his entire face, hair and chest. All three of them are laughing. My next thought comes before I can stop it.

This was supposed to be me. It was supposed to be me with Nick. Together, raising our children. Why does some stranger get to do what I've stayed up nights crying and wishing for?

I hate her. I'm jealous of her. I want to be her.

I know in my head that it's not fair. What happened was done before Nick and I were even together. She had nothing to do with me, or Nick, or our separation.

But I can't seem to tell the pain in my chest that.

I hear Nick walk up behind me and turn around to face him, attempting to refocus my thoughts. He's holding two plastic cups. They are clear with the exception of a comic book Batman on mine and Superman on his.

He gives me a small smile. "Sorry I don't have any wine glasses."

I take my cup out of his hand. "They're perfect."

We sit down on his couch, our legs angled toward each other. "So where do you sleep?" I ask.

"This pulls out into a bed," he explains. "But most of the time I don't bother and just sleep on the couch."

"I see." I take a drink of the wine. It's sweet and cold and refreshing.

"I'm going to go change clothes if you don't mind," he says. I gesture for him to go right ahead. He opens a couple drawers in the dresser, pulls out some clothes, and enters the bathroom.

While he's gone, I decide to get more comfortable as well, taking off my shoes. I also tuck my tummy into the top of my jeans. I knew I should have worn my Spanx tonight.