An American Scandal (Editing)

Chapter 28: The Reason For All Secrets

Chapter 28: The Reason For All Secrets

I am beginning to believe that the hospital is my second home. I am here way too often. I looked about and the only thing great about this hospital room is that I am in Suriname and it is sunny outside. I feel the heat from the sun on my skin and I instantaneously feel better. Not to mention James was right by my side. I smiled at him but he looked like hell. His eyes were shot and red. I know I had not been out for more than a day but the way he was reacting was worst than when we were both shot.

“What…big head.” I asked him. He started to choke up and tears streamed down his eyes.

“James….I know I bugged out but…still I think we are good.” I said and then sat up.

“You…don’t feel it?” He asked. I looked at him questioningly.

“Yeah the love for you.” I smiled and then reached to kiss him. He pulled back and then pointed to my stomach. His hands began to rub my stomach and I smiled.

“It’s no longer.” He said and then I looked down. To be honest I knew that already. Yes I felt it. I felt it before I blacked out. In part I was happy and the other side of me was sad. Was I evil because of that? But I was happy not to have to deal with being a teen mother. I was also happy that I had a second chance.

“It may be a blessing in disguise.”  I said to him and then pulled his face to mine. The tingles and emotions were still there and I felt like they would always be there.

“So your parents are here.” He told me.

“As they should.” I said and then rolled my eyes.

“They schedule a psychologist meeting…it was your mother’s doing.” James told me.

“Well I know it was not my dad’s.” I said and then laughed.

“Men are funny…they never want to talk about their problems.” James said.

I looked at James. “But you would not hold a secret from me?” I asked seriously. He shook his head no.

“And you would tell me everything even if it hurt?” He asked me. I shook my head up and down.

“Do you have something to say?” He asked me as if he was reading my face and mind. I smiled and then opened my lips.

“I am not angry about the miscarriage.” I said softly. I could tell that he was a bit shock and taken aback. He leaned away from me and then sighed.

“It is not that I don’t want to have…or didn’t want to have your child but I was scared and I am a teen…”

“That’s understandable. I am not too sad but I am sad. I mean I was getting use to us being our own family.” He said and then lifting up my left hand that had the engagement ring he had just put on it.

“We will be…” I said and then kissed his cheek.

“Yeah…I know.” He said as if he was not totally convinced.

“Plus I would not want to bring a baby into my family until I work some things out with my parents.” I said and he looked at me.

“Yeah…you spazzed out and you know that is not helping your image.” He said rubbing my hair strands with his fingers.

“I have reason.” I said looking down at my lap.

“And what reason is that?” James asked nudging me playfully.

I looked at James and then back at my lap. “I always wanted to tell you.” I said softly. I could tell by the way James looked at me that he knew I was holding a secret and he turned to me attentively.