An American Scandal (Editing)

chapter 30- The Truth is in His Ears

A/N: first off thanks for all of the support and well wishes. Surgery was omg. I never want to be cut again. WOW. but I have been healing well and as you can see, my arm mobility has come back and the pain has subsided nearly fully. only sometimes i get a pang of pain. but otherwise...i am happy, healthy, and writing.

THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. I BELIEVE I HAVE ONE MORE TO GO AND MAYBE THE EPILOGUE...AND THEN WE HAVE A SPIN OFF. RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. IT IS A BIT SAD BUT I ASSURE YOU THAT PART TWO WILL HAVE A HAPPIER ENDING. SO VOTE, COMMENT, LIKE, ADD TO LIBRARY, AND FAN ME OF COURSE.

LOVE YOU FOR READING AND SUPPORTING.

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Chapter 30- The Truth is in His Ears

Have you ever, contorted reality into a fantasy so that you did not have to deal with reality? Well I have been doing that for many years. I contort what is happening before my eyes to deal or alleviate stress, pain, confusion. It is a skill for a person like me who has always been hurt. However, it can be a problem, when you speak to fast and your mind contorts reality. Things mesh and mess and then you are left with the process to clean up.  

Who am I? Sophia McKenzie. Yes, I know you are so confused, because in essence I am confused. I am not suffering from split personalities. But I am suffering from confusion and depression. No, I have not been diagnosed but I know it to be true because I know my body, and mind. I know what I feel and how I think. So I do know truths contrary to popular belief.

However what I don’t know is, at what part did my control over contorting reality and my speech began to mesh and words spewed out before I could stop it. I always used my ability to contort what is happening in front of my eyes, to shield my soul from pain. But as of late, I am contorting reality and then speaking truths and having to suffer the consequences. For example, my word fart on the internet and now my admission into this hospital. Back in the day I would just contort, some bed of roses story in my mind and tune out the reality in front of me. My speech would be lock and my soul would absorb the pain while my brain worked to give me a medicine of a fairytale ending. Complicated, but this is a story of a girl, whose life has been nothing but drama. So my body had to develop mechanisms to deal with it.

 I think it began when the video aired. I think it began when my private life was no longer private. I think everything that followed was my way of trying to get back to that place where I had control. I think I have been trying to excuse my behavior or make a rational explanation for the demise of my life. I just could not accept that my own friends would publish the video, that James’ own friends would blackmail him. That my best male friend, outside of James, would shot me and James, and really wished us to be murder, that I lost my baby, that I was seeing James punch my father. I wanted an explanation for my life being some sort of teen movie, an un-American dream, an urban nightmare.

 “Sophia…what is going on…why is James doing this…stop it James.” My mother yelled. I felt the tears swell up in my eyes. I did not know what to do.

My father restrained James. “I have you know that your father will know about this.”

“My father is scum just like you…you both are scum.” James hollered at my father. My mother looked between James and me.

“What are you saying?” My mother asked.

“Like you don’t know…how could you allow this, turn a blind eye?” James asked. I felt terrible. He was condemning his father, my father, my mother, for something I never should have said. I wanted him to defend me but at the same time I did not want him to hate them. I did not even hate them. But maybe that was my problem. I was stuck in LA LA land that I could not develop the rightful emotion of hate. I was suppose to hate but yet I wasn’t.