Don't Hug Me I'm Scared {Billie Eilish}

{80}✔️

A/N: This is a pretty dark chapter. Trigger warning: Mentions of molestation, rape, drugs, and suicidal thoughts.

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Kai's POV
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"I was just done with everything. It was too much. I've never once in my life been happy, honestly. Never had the chance. My mom and dad were never around while I was growing up, and when they were they were fighting or doing drugs. My brother and I had to stay with our uncle all the time, he was the only one willing to take care of us, and that was for all the wrong reasons." I sighed.

"Five years. He...He molested me for five years. From the time I was seven until I was eleven. I didn't tell anyone at first. I was scared, I didn't understand what was going on, and he made me think that he'd kill my parents if I told them. You know, that cliche bullshit all molesters seem to do. Then when I was eleven I finally told my parents about it. They were too busy dealing with their own shit to care about mine, I guess. They just told me to stop letting him do it. To be a big girl and learn to handle my shit." I shook my head as I thought back on it.

"They sent me to my grandparents' house instead since I refused to be with my uncle anymore. It was great at first. My grandma was the nicest woman on earth. She baked cookies every Saturday morning, she made the best pancakes, she always made my favorite foods. She spoiled me and my brother rotten whenever he was around. She bought us a new toy every other weekend, read us bedtime stories, did all that shit. She was adorable and so sweet. She never seemed to be in a bad mood. She was perfect." I wiped away a stray tear quickly.

"My grandad was a cold man. I never could figure out how they found each other. I never knew why they loved each other. They were polar opposites. She was the sweetest lady I'd ever met and he was just this quiet, cold little man who never said anything positive if he spoke at all. But they seemed to love each other. He didn't treat me like I was his grandchild, he treated me like I was a stranger staying in his house for a while. A guest of my grandma's."

"I stayed with them until I was fourteen. My grandma died when I was thirteen and I thought my grandpa would kick me out or something. I'd spent three years there and I don't think we'd had a real conversation the whole time. We'd probably spoken for a total of two hours within those three years. I just figured that when she died, with him having to deal with that and all, he'd make me leave. But he didn't."

"He insisted that I stay with him. Almost as soon as she died he started acting more friendly. It's like he changed personalities completely. Just like that, he was acting like an actual grandpa, doing all the things she used to do for me and more. It was so fucking weird for me, and I was happy that he was being nice, but it was really awkward. I didn't know how to deal with it. I figured he was just trying to feel closer to her by acting like she used to or something. I figured it was all apart of the grieving process for him."

"After about three months, he started being weird. He started coming into my room at night and asking to sleep in there with me. He told me he had nightmares like he was a child. He told me sleeping alone made him sad too. He didn't even ask to sleep in bed with me. The first night he slept out in the fucking hallway. Then he slept on the floor beside my bed for a couple of weeks, and it was weird, but I felt sorry for him and it was his house so I couldn't exactly tell him no."

"We got closer and closer as the weeks went by. I was finally starting to actually warm up to him and he treated me better than anyone in my life ever had, other than grandma. I started to trust him...Then he started asking to sleep in my bed with me. Because he was old and his back was starting to hurt, is what he said. But I had a really small bed and I told him I didn't think we'd both fit, and then he suggested we sleep in his bedroom because he and grandma had a king-sized bed. I told him I would for a while, just until he felt like he could sleep in there alone."