Don't Hug Me I'm Scared {Billie Eilish}

{118}✔️

Dahlia's POV
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"I love her just as much as anyone else, but funerals cost a shit ton so we really need to think about just burning the bitch." It was Caden's voice.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! That's how you'd treat someone who's been your best friend for years?!" Cadence.

"Well, if you think that's bad then I guess you don't wanna hear about what I have planned to do to you when you die." Caden.

"When I die?! Bitch, you eat, like, fifty thousand calories a day! You're gonna die first from eating too much gravy or something!" Cadence.

"Guys, now isn't the time to be arguing, okay? And Caden, I'd rather bury her body myself than have her fucking burned!" Cora.

"That could work. That's probably cheaper than cremation." Caden.

"You're such a fucking cheapskate, you should be ashamed of yourself! I can't believe you'd rather burn your friend than pay a little money to have her buried!" Cadence.

"You're acting like I'm trying to have her burned at the fucking stake! I'm just saying, we could have her tossed in one of those ovens or whatever they use to burn bitches when bitches be dyin', and it wouldn't take but, like, a few minutes at the most for her to turn into ashes, and then we could put her ass in an urn and carry on with our day! It'd be nice too, cause we could take turns carrying her around!" Caden.

"Billie, what do you think?" Cora.

"I don't want my girlfriend to die!" Billie cried loudly, the sound of her sobs filling the room.

"Well, she ain't no damn help. Hell, I'd rather bury a friend than burn a friend, but then again, if her granddaddy died I'd burn his ass in a second." Is that my fucking Nana? Am I dreaming?

Bro, I wonder what's going on. I wonder if I'm like...A ghost witnessing all this shit and they can't even see me. They don't even know I'm here! Just like Patrick Swayze in ghost! Oh, he was really sexy in that...

...No, cause I feel something soft under me and I'm not staring at them from the corner of the room or something. I'm on a bed.

Aw fuck. I bet I'm in a coma. It's weird but I always wanted to be in one. I always thought that if I ended up in a coma it'd be a great opportunity for me to get tea from people and roast them about it later.

I bet somebody would confess to murdering somebody to someone in a coma! I would.

But then that'd be stupid because there's always a chance they'd wake up. It's kinda like playing Russian Roulette, but, like...With comas!

Yeah, just confess shit to people and see who wakes up and who doesn't. What a rush!

"She's too young to die!" Billie screamed.

"Honey, you are hysterical!" Nana coughed and I could already smell her cigarette smoke. "That girl ain't dead. Course, if she was, you wouldn't be able to tell it. She's already pale as a ghost."