What If

Thirty Six

I felt so guilty after that. Pakiramdam ko'y na-offend ko si Cedrick or something. Bigla na lang siyang nag walk out pagtapos no'n. At sabi ng mga maids ay sumakay daw sa kotse niya at umuwi sa kanila. I felt sorry. Hindi ko naman sinasadya na ma-offend siya. But there's a pride in my heart still. Alam kong may kasalanan siya at ayaw niya lang na malaman ko. I mean, it is obvious that he's getting away from all of this.

Trevor with his dark eyes left me. Pagod na rin siguro iyon. Mommy left also. Naiwan ako nang gabing iyon. Nag-diretso ako sa kwarto ko na ang tagal hinanap ng katawan ko. I am so dead tired. Gusto kong magpahinga. Inalu ko ang sarili ko at hinayaang maka-tulog.

Kinabukasan, nagising ako sa dahang dahang pag-bukas ng pinto. It was mommy. She's wearing her casual attire. She look so dissapointed of me. Kaya tumayo na lang ako para maligo. Inaasahan ko na sa paglabas ko ay wala na siya, but I was wrong. Hinintay niya akong matapos.

I was blowing my hair to dry when she decided to start our morning conversation. Napa-tingin ako sa wall clock ko. It is five thirty in the morning.

"You shouldn't treat Cedrick like that..." banayad na boses ni mommy.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at inabala ang sarili ko sa pagsusuklay ng buhok ko. My god! Umagang umaga. Wala ako sa mood makipag-talo. Yes! Alam kong may kasalanan ako. I would apologize to him but not now! Sa isipan ko lang nasasabi dahil pagod pa rin ang utak ko.

"Lorraine," she called.

I sighed. "Mom, okay, fine... I am wrong. But can you just leave me alone for a minutes. I am busy fixing myself,"

"I can't believe you are talking to me that way, Lorraine!" she groaned angrily.

Umiling ako. "Mom, please... Don't make this an issue. I am still tired."

Narinig ko ang pagka-dismaya ng aking ina bago ibagsak ang pintuan ng kwarto ko. Am I wrong? Oo, mali siguro na nasabihan ko siya ng ganoon. But can't I still consider my feelings, too? I am still trying hard for their wants because they said so.

Wearing my white strap and black loose pants, I managed to walk fiercely and I saw their eyes went on me. Una kong napansin ang maka-hulugang tingin ni Trevor. I remember how he argue with me about marrying the man I do not love. Daddy remained silent. Mommy is just busy scooping the dishes. Cedrick stand up to escort me.

"Thank you," sabay ngiti ko.

The cook prepared a hot sinigang and kare-kare for our breakfast. Hindi ako nakakaramdam ng gutom. At lalo pang kumakalam ang sikmura ko sa katahimikang nangyayari sa aming lamesa. Cedrick keep on glancing at me. Bigla akong na-guilty nang maalala ko 'yung mga sinabi ko kagabi.

Nag-simulang mag-salin ang mga maids ng juice sa aming baso. Trevor is very uncomfortable here dahil panay ang iling niya sa akin. I smiled at him to sure everything is fine. Ako ang bahala. I have my plans.

"Congratulations to the two of you," ani Daddy on his deep old voice.

Nasamid ako pero walang nakapansin. Cedrick smiled peacefully at my father. Hindi ko makita ang reaksyon ni Mommy dahil nasa tabi ko siya. Trevor is uneasy eating his food.

"Thanks po, sir Emmanuel," si Cedrick.

Daddy chuckled. "Call me daddy too from now on,"

Trevor drink his water while looking at me. Umiling lang ako sa kaniya. I know he wants me to stop Daddy from what his doing but it is very understandble. I will marry Cedrick very very soon so it is right to call my daddy like that.

"Just call us right after the wedding, ijo..." si Mommy naman.

"Opo, tita. I am very honored to marry your daughter and thank you for trusting me,"