It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 10

Pippa's P.O.V.
The doctor brought me to a hospital room after he drew some blood, took my measurements and my weight. He hooked me up to a couple machines. Even a heart monitor.

The other machines are giving me nutritions I need to gain some strength back. "Can my family come in here?" I ask the doctor. I'm lying on my left side with my knees pulled up to my chest.

"I'll fetch your family for you. They can wait here with you until we get your results." I thank her.

The doctor finishes up the machines and leaves the room with a greeting and to go after the test results.

It makes me worried that he wants them back so soon. What if there is something really wrong with me?

I also wonder if Nick is okay. He left and Kevin went after him. They were away for quite a while. They might still not be back for all I know. Could still be away, but who's here to tell me that? No one.

I want Nick to be here. He promised me he would be here for me, but where is he now?

It's not like I want to talk to him right now anyways. I'm so furious at him for bailing on me again when he just promised he wouldn't.

The door opens and my family walks in. Including Nick and Kevin. One look at Nick tells me he's been through hell. I can't stay angry with him now. I want to be angry with him though. I am so damn angry with him for leaving me for so long and I'm so damn angry with him for leaving now.

He promised me he wouldn't do it. He promised me he wouldn't leave me and right now I needed him the most and he wasn't here. All I want to do right now is to scream his head off, but seeing his big, brown, sad eyes, they melt me. They melt my anger away. He looks so upset that I can't bear doing that to him.

"What is all this? You look like some massive robot." Frankie yells at me. I smile. Always Frankie to get me to laugh.

"They hooked you up to a heart monitor?" Dad eyes the equipment suspiciously. "Yeah, they hooked me up to monitor it and see if my heartbeat is irregular." I explain like the doctor had explained to me before. My dad nods unsurely.

"You'll be okay, right?" Frankie blinks and tries to get some reassurance from mom. The others have been unusually quiet. Especially mom. She's always the first to try and comfort one of us in positions like these, for instance when Joe broke his leg and had to get a pin in it.

"I'll be just fine Tank." But I don't even trust myself, let alone being able to convince Frankie.

After waiting for a couple of hours, I didn't speak much, because I didn't feel like speaking, a doctor walked in.

"How are you feeling?" The doctor asks me. "I'm okay. A little dizzy." Mom gives me a disapproving look for not mentioning that earlier.

"Seems like the results are going to let us wait a little bit longer, but I'll bring them here as soon as they are in. Deal?" The doctor asks me. "Deal." I respond.

"Do you think you can handle the dizziness, or do you want something?" The doctor asks me. "I don't want anything."

The doctor left after my response. "Why didn't you tell us you were dizzy?" Mom asks me.

"I didn't feel like breaking the comfortable silence." Plus, I didn't feel like telling, but she'll never know that.

Knowing me, she probably has it figured out already. I think she's happy I at least informed the doctor about it.

"Danielle is here. Can she come in here?" Kevin asks for my approval. I nod. I love Danielle. She's the sister I never had.

Kevin leaves the room to meet his wife at the hospital entrance.

He returns a few minutes later with Danielle on his heels. Danielle gently hugs me, aware of all the wires and tubes.

"Hey Pippa. I heard about it. How are you?" She asks me sweetly. "I'm okay. Waiting for the results."

"Are you nervous?" She asks me. I shake my head. "Not really. No."

The doctor once again enters the room.

"Good afternoon Pippa. How is the dizziness?"

"It's good, not as dizzy anymore." I respond.

"Good to know. I have a few questions I'd like to ask you. Are you alright answering them with everyone present, or would you like a few or all to leave the room." I shrug my shoulders.

"I really don't care to be honest."

"Alright. What do you see when you look in the mirror?" The doctor asks his first question.

"In the mirror? I see me." I look at the doctor to see a concerned look on his face. It finally clicks.

I start shaking my head. No, that's not it. That can't be right.

"I know where you're going, but it's not that. I promise you that. I didn't do this to myself." I tell the doctor.

"What does she have?" My mom asks before the doctor can respond to me. I look around the room to see everyone looking confused or deep in thoughts to figure out the doctor's puzzle.

"Do you throw up a lot?" The doctor ignores my mom's question for now.

"I do, but not because I want too. Sometimes it's too much and it happens. Just like that." The doctor nods. I know he knows that I'm lying.

I can't help it. Sometimes I do it on purpose. Yes, I'm evil. I hurt myself on purpose. I keep myself from eating sometimes. Big whoop.

"I'm going to diagnose you with anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa." I knew it.

The room is dead silent. I don't dare to look around the room, knowing everyone is either in shock, or maybe in Frankie's case, completely unaware of what that is. Is it one illness? Are they two illnesses?

"What is that?" Frankie's quiet voice asks the doctor. I knew he wouldn't know. I wish they didn't have to explain it to him now.

I'm so sorry I failed Frankie.

I don't listen to the doctor who is explaining my illness to my little brother and more detailed to my parents, brothers and to Danielle.

Why can't I be normal? Why do I have this disease? I don't want it. Give it to someone else.

I feel the bed dip. Someone sat down on my bed. I look up a little to see Joe.

He helps me sit up and takes me into his arms as he whispers that they will help me and that I'll get better.

I look over his shoulder to see mom and Frankie crying. The sight of it literally breaks my heart and makes me want to cling to Joe's shirt even tighter.