It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 42

Joe's P.O.V.
My eyes wouldn't stop sharing the tears. They wanted to let the world know how fucked up I am right now.

I don't know how we ended up here again. I thought he wasn't going to let it win, but he let it win.

We had his Diabetes under control, even if we didn't have him under control. Kevin, Tank and I kept him steady. He trusted us, but apparently not enough.

We were looking for her. We drove around for her. We did everything we could and yet it wasn't enough for him.

He brought himself down over. And over. And over. Again.

We had to watch him on that couch letting himself waste away. He wouldn't shower. He wouldn't get up. He wouldn't sleep. He wouldn't eat. He wouldn't talk. He wouldn't even cry.

At some point Kevin had dragged him up and into the kitchen and got a response. We got him back that day. He figured we were dealing with enough and that he should step up his game, knowing that Pippa wouldn't want him to do this to himself. Everything he does, he does for her. Don't we count?

We are his brothers. She is his sister. We're all family by blood. Why do I keep thinking that, in his eyes, we don't matter and she's the only one who does.

But that's not how we ended up in the hospital again. No. My little brother had another incident alike the one a few months ago when he had a fight with the mirror and his wrists where we had to break into the bathroom to keep him from going any further.

This morning, mom and dad were having a private talk with an officer in dad's office about Pippa. We weren't allowed to hear.

Mom exited the office in tears, which made us think of the worst possible scenario that could have happened. The officer looked sad when he came over. My heart ached immediately.

"Mom, what happened?" I ask her. Nick stares at us from the couch. Mom rests her hand on my shoulder. "Nothing, honey. They've got no new news for us." She says. "Then why are you crying?" I ask her. "It got too much for a minute. I just need a minute." She walks into the kitchen to get herself something to drink.

I turned back to the couch, but Nick wasn't there anymore. Kevin had gone home that morning to go and see Danielle. Frankie had been off to friends for a little distraction.

"Nick, where are you?" I take two steps at a time to walk upstairs.

I run into Nick's room to find him there.

"what are you doing?" I ask him. He shrugs. "Nothing. Didn't want to see mom like that I guess."

"I get that. I hate to see her like this too." I tell him. He nods.

And now we are here, in the hospital. Frankie had been brought to the hospital by one of his friends' parents.

We were all there for as far as we're all together. Mom, dad, Frankie and I.

Kevin walks into the hospital room with Danielle on his heels.

"What is going on?" He asks us. Mom is too upset to speak, Frankie is too upset to speak, dad is working on some of Nick's papers with information they need to know about him and I'm sitting there doing nothing but overthinking. It hurts my brains.

"He tried to kill himself?" I tell Kevin. He looks like he's seen a ghost. "What? I thought..." Kevin cuts himself off. "He was doing better. He was fucking better." Kevin gets angry.

I shrug in agreement. Nick indeed was getting better, but he gave up anyways. That's who he is. He thinks he's weak, when all in all, he's the toughest in our family. Dealing with way more than we are.

Kevin runs his hands through his hair and takes a seat. He can do as much as us, which is nothing.

"How is he?" Kevin asks after a while. He had taken a seat next to Frankie, who along the way, buried himself into Kevin for mental support. I shrug. Knowing I can't get a word out without crying, I decide to talk anyways. "They won't tell us." I start to sob. Kevin tells me to walk over and I sit on his other side and he wraps an arm around me to let me cry.

Frankie looks numb, while I'm crying my eyes out. That's how I got here, crying my eyes out to let the world know how fucked up I am right now.

It's not long before Frankie can't take it anymore. "Can I go outside for a minute?" He asks the room.

"Don't be away too long. And please keep your phone on for if we want to reach you." Frankie nods and walks out of the waiting room.

I look over to see Danielle softly caressing her belly with a sad expression on her face.

She can feel the stare and looks over to me. "I'm sorry." I mouth towards her. She shakes her head with a sad smile as if to tell me not to worry about it.

"He is still alive though, right?" Kevin asks dad with hope coursing through his voice.

"For as far they informed us, he is, yes." Dad answers his question. "Are you okay?" Kevin asks seeing as I'm still clinging to his side. I just need something to hold myself onto. I need the human touch to know I'm still alive. And to sadly keep me grounded so that I know all of this is real.

A doctor enters the waiting room and asks for our attention. We're the only ones in the room. It wasn't that hard to guess he came here with information on Nick.

"Do we need to sit down for this?" Mom asks him on the verge of tears. "No ma'am. Your son, Nicholas Jonas, is stable and currently healing. He had a really high insulin level we're trying hard to get down. We also have him on a nutrition IV to give him strength he needs. Your son will probably wake up later into the night or this morning. I can't give you an exact time stamp. As soon as your son awakens, another doctor and I will do some tests and talk to him to see if there is any damage or something else that might need immediate attention. I suggest you call people you have informed about this and give them the good news." The doctor smiles.

I can't believe it. This is a miracle. A relief. He is alive.

Nick is alive. My little brother is alive.

I'm so sorry for all the people I scared away by thinking I killed Nick.... I could never do such thing.. 😊 Thank you so much for sticking with me!!