It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 59

I'm so so sorry!!!
I'm not neglecting this book, I've just got a lot on my plate and I'm trying to write whenever I can. I've got at least ten more chapters planned ahead if not more. I'll try to write and upload whenever I can! I promise!

Here is a slightly longer one for the wait, I hope you enjoy! 😊

Nick's P.O.V.
The hospital and my parents have yet to decide whether I'm allowed to go home tomorrow or if I'm going to get shipped off to another hospital.

I got a text from Joe, informing me on the situation at home and how Frankie got ill.

They don't have a lot of time for me to figure out what's going to happen with me.

My doctor enters the room with another person, a woman, who is wearing a batch on her clothes. I presume a nametag.

"Good morning, Nick. How are you feeling?" I shrug. "I'm feeling fine. Thank you." I respond.

He motions towards the woman. "Nick, meet Emma Thomas. She is a therapist and she's going to talk to you right now about everything and anything. She has been minimally informed about your situation and I hope you'll talk to her." He introduces her.

"Do I have to?" I ask the doctor. "I can't force you to talk about things you don't want to. But at least consider talking to her. It'll help if you talk about your struggles. She might even have some useful tips or advice for you." He explains.

I sigh, knowing I won't get out of it. I might as well get it over with. After being quiet for several minutes, the doctor leaves the room to let Emma take a seat.

"Good morning Nick. I'm Emma. How are you feeling this morning?" I repeat to her that I'm feeling fine.

"I heard a little about your situation at home and what happened to you. Care to elaborate?" She asks me.

"I don't know how to explain it. Life has been really hard. Especially Diabetes." I tell her.

She gives me sympathetic smile. "What is the feeling you've felt the most if you have to look back to whenever this all started." I look down in my lap. "I think it's sadness, miss Thomas." I tell her.

"Oh, please call me Emma. I'm not into all that formal stuff. I just want to have a simple conversation with you. Whatever you say will stya i" I look up to see her removing her name tag. She doesn't look very old to me. She's actually kind of nice.

"I've been feeling sad a lot. I don't know how much you heard or how much you know due to me being in a band with my brothers, but life hasn't been easy. I used to live on my own, but I couldn't handle my Diabetes. I've been in a fight with my brothers for several months and it impacted the whole family. I thought they wouldn't speak to me again." I see her intently listening to my story.

"We did make up, which I'm still thankful for and we made up with the rest of our family. But it has been a strain on everyone. Our little, and only sister has been dealing with anorexia. Our oldest brother is expecting his firstborn and he's more with us then his wife. Joe, who is between me and Kevin has been keeping me in check for as best as he can with everything else still going on. Frankie, who turned thirteen a couple months ago, he's been keeping most of the household running." She nods understandingly.

"What also happened, is that my sister didn't think she was worth it anymore. She ran away. She'd been missing for months. She came back when the rumors started that I had successfully killed myself. She was not okay." She wears a sad smile when I explain all of this.

"But what about you? Do you feel ever feel like giving up?" I shrug. "I mean, sometimes, yes."

"When she ran off, I felt useless. I had always been the closest to her and I felt like I failed her. We all had. I lived on the couch under a blanket. I didn't take care of myself and I blame myself for making my family deal with the missing of Pippa and at the same time having to look after me and make sure I didn't die from neglecting Diabetes."

"Do you blame yourself for everything that has happened?" She asks me.

"No, I don't blame myself for everything. In the end, she chose to run away. But I can't help but feel worthless and stupid for not doing anything. I could have done everything way better. If I hadn't been so stupid, I would only be here for managing Diabetes. But no. I had to go and try to end my life. I don't want to die. I want to live. I just want to live happy and not sad with all this weight on my shoulders. I don't want to have Diabetes."

"But it's what you got, and you've eventually got to deal with it. I think there are a lot of things out there that can help you. Your family being one of them. I understand you moved back home. What I see, is a loving family with a lot of problems. And not necessarily problems, but a lot of hurt. Everyone is aware of each other and how everything affects each other. From what you've told me, she ran off to escape everything and to not have you all look after her and her problems. You are a selfless young man who puts others in front of you. But you've seen what that does to you. You end up basically comatose on the couch." I nod. She's right. Pippa ran off to get her issues away from us. Not because she really wanted too.

I wanted to end my life, both to escape from my issues and to save my family from having to look after and take care of my issues.

They're my issues. They shouldn't have to deal with them.

"I think it would be a great help to all of you if you get together. Sit down with someone other than family, like a coach or a therapist like me, to keep things fair and to let everyone say what they have to get off their chests. Whether it's about family or everything that has been going on. I think you all need to talk and I think it is very important that everyone feels like they can say what they want without being judged and feel like everyone hears them. No interruptions. Say what you mean to say and listen to each other's needs and help each other. It sounds to me like everyone is hurting. Not only you." She says.

I nod. "Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen mom cry this much." I let out a fake chuckle. She nods. "Do you want me to arrange things with your family?" I nod. "Only if you are the one to attend." I don't want a lot of people to know. What if it gets out to the media? I'll be damned. We'll all be damned.

Thank you so much for reading!! Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions or if you want to see something, let me know and I'll see what I can do :)