It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 70

74K READS!!! That's insane!

On another note: I WENT TO THE JONAS BROTHERS CONCERT IN AMSTERDAM!!!!!! I still can't believe they were in the same room as I was in!

Pippa's P.O.V.
I knocked on the door to my dad's office to find him and mom drinking a cup of tea together.

"Have you seen Nick?" I ask them.

"No, sorry honey." I smiled at her.

"Okay, thanks." I shut the door and went on with my search.

"Hey, Joe. Have you seen Nick?" I asked him. He was preparing a snack for himself.

"No, I thought he went out with Kevin, though." He says. "Oh." I was about to walk away, but Joe yells for me to come back.

"What is it?" He motions me over. "Sit down. Talk to me." He says as he slides the bowl with fruits across the table towards me. I look up at him with surprise and raise my eyebrow.

He shrugs his shoulders in response. "What?" He asks me.

"This is way too healthy for you." I tell him. He laughs. "I guess you're right." He lets me have the fruit as I'm still not to keen on eating much and grabs a candy bar for himself.

"Much better." I say when he sits back down across from me. "Soo." He drags out the so. It's a little awkward and I don't know why.

"What are Nick and Kevin doing?" I ask him. "Oh, something about notes, I think. It didn't seem important."

I almost choke on a piece of apple. "Are you stupid?" I ask him. "Weren't you the one to give his suicide notes to Kevin when you were at the hospital?" I ask him.

"Okay. One; you already know I'm stupid? And two; how do you even know about that?" He questions me.

"Uh, that's true. You are stupid." I pause to shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. I knew he'd written them." I answer.

"Are you serious?" He asks me looking very confused. "No, Kevin told me." He bumps me in the shoulder. "Don't joke about stuff like that. It's not funny." I shake my head. "I know. You're right. I'm sorry." I apologize.

He nods. "It's okay."

"You only wanted me to finish this, didn't you." I question him when I look at the empty bowl. I look up to see him look at it with a smug expression on his face.

"I'd like to think of this as victory. As should you, by the way." He says.

"Alright, we won this round." He smiles contently after I used the word, we.

"You're free to go." He says. I roll my eyes at him and go back to my room.

Somewhere in the next few hours, my mood drastically changed. I got lonely, tired, depressed and sad.

I don't know why I did what I did, but I'm looking down at my arm. Both my arms are limp in my lap. My left hand is faintly holding onto my razor and my right arm is bloodied.

What did I do? They're going to send me away!

But even the panic wasn't enough to get me to get up and clean myself and my arm.

Tears fall from my eyes as I can't think about anything other than my screwed-up life.

It's true. My life is as messed up as it can get. I feel like I'm at my lowest when I'm sure my life can get worse than this. It physically hurts me and I'm not even talking about the cuts bleeding profusely.

I'm not even trying to stop the bleeding.

I hear some commotion downstairs and hear Nick and Kevin greet mom and dad.

I'm in the bathroom and shit! I forgot to lock the door. I can't even be bothered to crawl over to lock it. It's done. They're going to find me.

"Pippa?" There you have it. Kevin is looking for me. I can't help but let the tears fall faster. I'm sobbing quietly. Not even sure if they can hear me outside.

Suddenly the door opens and there stands Kevin.

He takes in the scene in shock. He suddenly jumps out of his shock and runs over.

"What did you do?!" He whisper-yelled.

"I don't know." I answer.

"Why?" He asks looking me in the eyes. I shrug.

"I don't know." He grabs a washcloth and puts it under the sink and then tries to stop the bleeding with it.

"It's going to be okay." He soothes me, trying to calm me down. It's working, but I can't help but wonder what's going to happen with me. I messed up big time!

"Hey Kev, I heard you we..." Frankie stops talking when he sees the mess I made.

"Oh, Frankie!" Kevin wants to try to stop Frankie from running off but is too late.

"You know he's going to tell." I nod, knowing Frankie all too well. He doesn't mean harm with it. He just doesn't know what else to do.

"It's okay. I did this. I deserve it." Kevin keeps quiet but keeps on cleaning my arm. It's almost done bleeding.

"You hate me, don't you?" I question him. Kevin swallows visibly.

"I don't hate you. I don't know how to help you. It pains me to see you this hurt. That there's nothing else you feel like doing, but to hurt yourself. You have to understand that that's doing something to me." And I do. I do understand. I feel the same with Nick, but I can't imagine what it would feel like as the protective older brother.

Joe and Nick enter the doorway and look at us with pity in their eyes.

When Kevin bandaged up my arm, I hiss in pain. I can see the war going on behind his eyes, but he tries to hide it.

When he's finished, Joe and Nick walk over and sit next to me, folding me into a big sandwich hug.

"Relapse if part of the healing process. Everything will be okay in the end." Nick says. It's a lot coming from him, knowing he's got his own problems to deal with. If he can say something like this, it must be true.

Thanks for everyone who supports me with me with this story! I'm grateful for every single one of you!