It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 52

Kevin's P.O.V.
I was sitting in the kitchen at the table, writing some things down on paper. Mom is in the kitchen with me ironing and folding laundry.

She took another shirt from the freshly washed pile of clothes and started ironing it.

"Hey mom?" She looks up while ironing the shirt. "Yes honey?" She questions.

"Have you ever felt the way Nick and Pippa do right now?" She stops ironing the shirt. "Have felt what way, Kevin?" She questions.

"Well. Like Pippa now. Like, she obviously thinks she needs to lose weight or something. Like, the bad self-image she has of herself?" I ask her.

"Why do you want to know?" She asks me.

"I want to try and understand." I pause. Mom waits for me to continue. "I'm afraid of asking them. I know I'm going to hate whatever reasoning they will answer." Mom nods.

"Whatever their reasons are. It's more complicated than a simple question and answer. It goes deeper under the surface. Pippa has always had problems with her self-image. She's the only girl with four brothers in the family. She never really came to me for advice. Always done things on her own. And having you guys tell her what she can and can't wear, even if you say things to protect her, they do influence her self-image, interpreting your words differently than how you intended them." I nod.

"That's not all isn't it?" Mom shakes her head sadly. "No. Things go way deeper than that. Knowing Pippa, we're only scratching the surface. What are you trying to understand?" She goes back to my first question.

"I want to understand how a person could feel so low about themselves? I want to know why she ran away. I know why she decided to run away while we were celebrating her birthday, but I don't get why. We're not that bad, are we?" I give my mom a hopeful look.

She gives me a warm smile. "We're not bad. We couldn't have done more. We didn't know. She'd been planning it. It was her choice. Even if we got to her, she would have walked away anyways, if not later in the night while we were all asleep."

"What about Nick? With him it's not a self-image, is it?"

"No, it's not. But with Nick it's also more complicated." Mom explains.

"I feel like the most terrible brother. I don't even know my siblings. I don't know how they're feeling, what's going on in their lives, they don't trust me enough to come talk to me if they need someone." I tell her.

"You're wrong, Kev. You were the one to get through to Nick to ask for help. You also know Nick and Pippa aren't ones to talk. Always trying to solve things themselves and always suffer alone until it is too much. And when they reach the bottom, they always try to climb out alone by going down more horrible and life-threatening roads. Like Pippa with anorexia and for Nick not to take proper care of himself." Mom explains.

I shrug. "Do we need to talk about ways and resources to help them? Both can't go on like this. Neither of them will last long if we let them do what they want to do." I don't want to force help on them that they don't want, but tough love is also love. I'm suffering, watching them suffer in silence.

"I will discuss that with your father when it gets to that. Nick will be in the hospital for a couple more weeks, until he's getting better. He will probably be taken off suicide watch in a week or two and he'll have a talk with a counselor from the hospital." I nod understandingly.

"We'll watch Pippa closely. Let her be home for now. I'm helping her to my best ability and I'm in touch with a nutritionist to know what to do for her." I nod again.

"Do you think either of them will try something again?" I ask her.

"We can't know for sure. I hope they don't. The best we can do is be there for them, watch them closely without smothering them too much and catch them of they fall." She tells me.

"I still don't understand how someone can feel so low they feel the need to leave. Whether by running away or trying to die. It's too much for me to handle, mom. How do you do it?" I'm close to crying.

My mom swallows back her tears and speaks. "I love them both very much. I love all of you endlessly, but I've got to keep going for the sake of the family. You all need me and I'm here for all of you. And you love Danielle right? You'd give the world to her. She's carrying your child. Don't you love them already?" She asks.

"I'd give them both the world. I used to have everything figured out, but it is different now. I mean, I'm getting my own family. I don't think I'll leave our child alone until they settle down by themselves." I chuckle.

"And that's how much I love all of you, but we can't keep you kids from every harm in the world. They just got it a little harsher and took matters in their own hands to do the wrong thing about it. And it's not that you, or Joe or Frankie aren't strong or have it any easier. They need to learn some things from these experiences, as do we, to help them move forward and for them to know how bright their future can be, despite their past. We'll figure it out. We have to go on. We can't lose hope, Kevin." Mom gives me a hug.

"Thank you. Even if I still don't get it, I do understand it a little better. I'll be going home soon. I really can't leave Danielle alone much longer. I'll keep in touch every day to ask for updates and I'll text or call them every day as well to make sure they know how much they're loved." I tell her.

She smiles and gives me another hug. "You're an amazing young man."

"Thanks, mom. I guess I needed to talk to someone about it." I'm embarrassed to admit to that.

"Anything for you." She answers and goes back to ironing the washed laundry.

Thank you for reading!! Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions, please let me know and I'll try to work them into my story!