It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 54

Nick's P.O.V.
Joe texted me about the adventures at home. How Pippa had been gone and was found in my bed.

I put my phone back down on a nightstand right as my doctor entered the room for a quick check up he does multiple times a day.

"Good afternoon, Nick. How are you feeling?" The doctor asks me.

"I'm good. Not miserable or anything. Levels are on and off as usual." I answer honestly.

The doctor nods and takes some time to think over my answer.

He checks up on the heart monitor I still have for some reason. He scrabbles some things down on a notepad. I tried to read it once, but he's got a typical doctors handwriting. A line with a few bobbles in them.

He laughed when I pointed that out to him. "It's so that nuisance patients can't read what we have to say about them." He had joked at first. After he was done joking around, he explained that he had written down a couple of notes about my heartbeat, my levels and what I answered if he asked me how I felt.

He's a funny doctor. We joke all of the time, apart from the serious parts when it concerns my health.

"How long do you think I'm going to be in here for?" I ask him being serious for once.

He sighs and stands at the end of my bed.

"Let's see. I'm sorry to say this, but you'll be on suicide watch for at least another week. And after we'll have to see how you're holding up. With your current health and how rocky your levels are, it's not safe for you to go home. You're monitored twenty-four hours a day. And that's needed. Do you remember anything from last night?" I had sighed when he mentions the suicide attempt. I hate it to be labeled like that, even if I deserve that. I'm a failure.

I shake my head to his question.

"You had another low. The nurses had to give you two glucose tabs to get it to come up." He explains.

"That's nothing new." I sarcastically say.

"Not for you, no. But it shouldn't be too common. A glucose tab takes a toll on a person's body. So does it to you." I nod, knowing he is right.

"I saw your brother this morning." He says on another note. I nod. "Yeah, Joe came to visit again." I answer.

I'm not ready to let go yet, I need to know what's going to happen with me. So I decide to be blunt.

"Am I going to be shipped off to a mental institution?" He looks directly at me.

"You won't be shipped off. But we might have to consider a few options. You can't go home in this state Nick. As much as I want for you to be able to go home, it's unsafe for you." I nod.

"But we'll discuss this topic with your parents present to weigh out some things and look at all the possible options." He says.

"Do I need to talk to a counsellor?" I ask him.

"I recommend that you do. I know you don't trust others at the hospital, but I'm not trained to be a therapist or have any experience to be a good one for you." I nod again.

Someone knocks on the door and the doctor let them enter the room. It's my mom.

"Am I interrupting something?" She asks politely.

"No, not at all. I was about to be going anyways. Come on in." The doctor and my mom shake hands.

Mom walks over to my bed. "Come on. I'm taking you on a little walk. The doctor said that that will keep you active enough. Otherwise your muscles will loose too much strength." She says.

"I know." I answer. The doctor smiles and helps me connect the IV to a pole and disconnects the heart monitor. "I'll reattach it when you're back." And with that he leaves the room.

Mom helps me up and I take the pole with my right hand while mom links her arms with my left arm.

"I'm so proud of you." She gives my arm a squeeze. I don't think she is. I think she only wants to reassure me of something.

"I'm fine, mom." I tell her. She shakes her head. "You always use that excuse when you're not okay. I've known you for 21 years. I've had you. I've watched you grow up to the man you are now. You're not okay." She says.

I nod. "I know, but I'm scared." I answer as we walk slowly down the corridors of the hospital.

"Of what, Nick? I want to help you, but I don't know how to help you, because you don't tell me how I or anyone can help you." She sounds desperate.

"I'm sorry I'm so hard to deal with."

"You're not a bother, Nicky. We care so much about you and we all love you and we want to see you healthy and happy. We watch you struggle through life and that's so hard. It's hard to watch you fade your life away." I listen to her, taking in every word.

"When you were little, you were so carefree. You were silent, always alert and always wanted to learn new things. Whenever I did something for Pippa or Frankie, you always wanted to watch or help to learn more. When I look at you now, I don't see much left of that little boy. You're in pain and you won't let us in like you used too. When you were little, Pippa could always work her magic with you. She was our Nick whisperer, like we always had you as our Pippa whisperer. But nowadays, you don't even let her in. We're not desperate, but we're worried for you. You shut us all out and we want to fight our way back in, but you won't let us." Her words hurt me. It turns out I secluded myself from my family much more than I thought I had. I hadn't even intended to seclude myself at all.

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