It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 66

Helllooow!!
I've decided to treat you all with a slightly longer one to make up for all the long waits.. because I've seriously got to upload more and not let you wait this long...

Joe's P.O.V.
I am sat in Pippa's room at her desk going through her stuff while listening to her music playlist. It's basically a list filled with music from the Vamps. She really likes them. They're catchy, talented and their lead singer Brad has a really classy voice. I can see why she loves them.

She's not the stalker fangirl, with no one, but I remember she has a poster of them in her room somewhere on a shelve or mounted to the wall.

I wish she would have talked to us instead of running off again.

"If I had a choice
Well, then I'd choose
To make you walk a mile in my shoes"
(Sometimes – the Vamps)

I wish she would let me know what it's like to walk in her shoes. At least then I could try to understand or at least know what's going on in her head. I used to know everything about her, now she feels like even more of a stranger every day.

We've spoken a lot these last couple months due to Nick's therapist, but how much do we really know about each other. I haven't heard anything about Nick's Diabetes. It makes me wonder how he's doing, but I know it's still not good.

"Said you needed space
So I gave you time
A year has gone by"
(Paper Hearts – the Vamps)

I gave her the space she needed. She asked me to let her go. I begged her to stay. It took too long. She's not okay and it's been over a year.

Why won't she let us get her help. We all know, including her, that she needs it. Why won't she take it? What is she afraid of? That we'll think she's a freak? That she's crazy? Is she scared that we will forget about Nick if we focus on her? Or is it much simpler and she doesn't want the attention?

She won't even talk to us to explain it to us, it's not like I haven't asked her before.

"does it feel the same, feel the same to you?"
(Same To You – the Vamps)

All I want to know is if she knows how we're feeling about all this, or is she only thinking about herself? Does she know how much it pains us to see her walk out of the house, not knowing when she will return, if she will return.

"It can't be perfect every day
Cloudy with chances of hard rain
The skies were bluer yesterday
When you're screaming and you slam the door"
(Sometimes It Rains In L.A. – the Vamps)

She had literally slammed the door in my face when she left today. She didn't even have the decency to tell me anything other than that she'd be back later. Who knows what's happening out there right now. She might never come back this time.

I know I'm not giving her a lot of privacy by going through her stuff, but I wish to find something. Maybe something she wrote or drew that would give me some insight into what's going on in her mind.

But there's nothing here. Only schoolwork. There are some papers, some family photos, but nothing that can explain what goes on in her life. In her head. In the corner of my eyes, I see a somewhat older family photo.

"Smile for me
And I'll take your picture
Make it last a lifetime"
(Smile – the Vamps)

I wish we were like that now. In the picture. Pippa is on our dad's shoulders. We're all posing while Pippa looks like she couldn't hold her laugh in. We were all really silly back then. No worries at all.

"And I tried, tried my best just to keep you around
But the weight of the world keeps on dragging me down
And now I found
That I've tried, tried my best just to keep you around
But the weight of the world keep on dragging me down
Wake up, I've been tryna save us"
(Worry – the Vamps)

But all I can do is worry. Nothing is as it seems anymore. Everyone has changed so much over the course of only a year and it's frightening me.

I smile at the picture and put it back. I turn myself towards her bookcases and look through there. Maybe I can find something there.

"Instead of saying how I feel (I feel)
Instead of running from what's real (Why)
'Cause I can't keep all this weight on my shoulders"
(Missing You – the Vamps)

I guess I lost her a long time ago. And maybe I should not go on like this. I've got to do something if I want to save her. Kevin can't keep us together any longer. We're all old enough to keep our own.

I should prove to him, to myself and to my family that we don't have to do this. We can be better than this. We're a big family and we've got each other's backs. The thing is, we barely have each other's backs. Yeah, when it is too late.

Pippa doesn't run off without a reason. Nick doesn't neglect himself without a reason. We can't blame all of this on his Diabetes. There's got to be a different reason. We need to look past Nick's Diabetes and we've got to find it.

"You keep me up 'til four in the morning
You got me, got me thinkin' of you
Every minute, every hour I keep falling
When I don't need to feel it too"
(Staying Up – Matoma, the Vamps)

"Joe?" I turn around to see Pippa in the doorway. I jump from the desk chair and run over. I wrap my arms around her, wanting to keep her close.

"I'm sorry." She apologizes and starts sobbing.
"'Cause I know it's a lie, lie, lie, lie"
(It's A Lie – the Vamps)

I don't trust her to believe it's not a lie. She might be sorry for hurting me, but I know she's not sorry for leaving this afternoon.

"So can we talk later?
Then you can tell me what you want"
(Talk Later – the Vamps)

I want to talk to her about this, but not right now. It's about four in the morning and I'm tired of staying up while worrying for her and her health. But we do need to talk. I need to know what she needs. I need her to stop running off.

I release her from the hug after she calms down. I let her get ready for bed while I get ready for bed myself.

It's scary to think what music can do to a person. How much I relate to the music from the Vamps. It's scary to think what it might do to Pippa when she listens to them.

She walks back into her room, thinking I'll leave her to sleep by herself. Who is she kidding? I don't want her to be alone right now. I follow her into her room. She looks at me questioningly. "What is it?" She asks me.

"Truth be told, I'm a mess when you're away
And I'm afraid you'll make me pay for my mistakes"
(Stay – the Vamps)

I'm afraid she's going to make me pay if I make the mistake of leaving her by herself. I don't want to know what could happen if she stays here by herself.

I take her by her hand and lead her to my room and into my bed. I get in with her and wrap my arms around her to keep her close to me.

"I'm sorry." She apologizes again, but I tell her we'll talk about it in the morning. Right now, all I want is to savor the moment. Knowing she's safe in my arms. I haven't lost her. I feel at peace.

"Looking in your eyes
Night after night night after night
And I see
Where I gotta stay
Day after day, day after day
To find peace
All I gotta do is lie next to you
Lie next to you and just breathe"
(Time Is Not On Our Side – the Vamps)

I hope you liked it :)
Thank you for reading and if you liked it, please let me know with a vote/and or a comment! Bu-bye!