I'm Not Excited [DISCONTINUED; REBOOTED]

It's Not Getting Better

[ Brooklyn, New York ]

"... Yeah. I mean, I love the guys and everything but -" Ezra paused to think of his next sentence. "We told each other this time we'd have away from each other, we'd use it to do things we've longed to do for some time."

On the phone with Ezra was Ariel Rechtshaid, the producer of Modern Vampires of the City, and friend of the band.

"And what do you want to do, E.K.?" Ariel asked.

Sighing deeply, Ezra rubbed his left eye. "I'd like to write. Short stories, or poems, it doesn't matter much to me. And they'll end up turning into material for the next album, but what if - hear me out - what if they turn into a book of short stories? Like Cape Cod."

Ariel held his breath for a second and nodded. "I could see that happening. And it would make me so happy for you."

Ezra looked down, awaiting for Ariel to go on; but he didn't. "There's a but in there, isn't there?" He asked. Ariel replied, "No, there's not a but. I can, however, tell something's wrong with you. What's up?"

Ezra sat up, closing his eyes. Even if he wasn't there, Ariel could definitely read him. "Ever since... Ugh, ever since CT and Em got engaged and Rostam got his gig with Our Youth, it's been hitting me, that I'm wasting my life. I've got time to do something with my college major, something I enjoy to do, and yet I'm not. Is this what I really want?"

"Ah," Ariel said, "An existential crisis."

"Yeah, I guess," Ezra said in a defeated tone.

_________________________

[ Outside ]

Too tired to drive home to SoHo, only to find an empty room, Illyana decided to surprise Ezra in Brooklyn by staying the night at his apartment. It was a way of apologizing for not seeing each other in over a week, give or take.

Her feet ached, the result of wearing heels, and her fingertips burned, the result of typing endless words on the computer at work from sunrise to sunset, and past that.

She took the keys out of her satchel, a copy which Ezra had given her months before. Her eyes wanted to shut down more than anything, but she still needed to wash her makeup off. Illyana arrived at the door, and she could see the lights were on; he was most definitely not sleeping. She got the keys and placed the head on the keyhole, unlocking the door.

Ezra heard someone at the door - could this be Illyana, his mind pondered. "Hey, I'll call you later. I think Illy's... Here," Ezra said, bidding Ariel farewell. He got up from the recliner, surprised at the fact that finally, after almost two weeks, he'd be able to see Illyana again.

The redhead smiled as she opened the door. "H-hey," she said, standing up straight and tall. "Long time no see." She chuckled awkwardly because, well, this was incredibly awkward.

"Hey yourself," Ezra replied, too smiling awkwardly and placing this hands on his pockets. He walked over to her, kissing her cheek rapidly before backing away. "How are you?"

She pressed her lips, making her way to the couch, where she placed her work bags. "Tired, slightly. Burned out from weeks of work and travel. Uh, booking artists for Gwen, and conference around the clock. You?"

Ezra stood standing, pointing at the composition notebook in the table. "I've been writing stories. I need to keep myself entertained for a while. Who knows, maybe I'll publish them."

Illyana nodded slowly, signifying the awkward vibe between them. She felt guilty about it, she truly did, but what could she do? "I think that's a truly magnificent idea, love."

"Yeah," agreed Ezra faintly. "So, what're you doing here?" He scratched his head with his pointing finger, mildly curious. "I thought you'd be, well, busy."

Illyana furrowed her brow in confusion. Was Ezra not happy to see her? "I'm good. Uh, I can come back tomorrow if you'd like..."

"No, stay. You look tired, and I wouldn't want you to waste your time here. D-do you want something?" Ezra pointed towards the kitchen, "I can get you something."

Illyana yawned and stretched her legs and arms. She shook her head. "I'm fine, I promise. I'll just go to bed; I'm tired and I've gotta get up early tomorrow... Meeting in the morning."

"Obviously -"

"What was that?"

"What? Oh... Nothing. Goodnight," he smiled sadly, shoving his hands down his pockets again.

"Aren't you gonna go bed yet?" Illyana grabbed her stuff and made her way towards the room, only stopping briefly.

"I think I'll just stay here to finish my stories up. I'm actually pretty inspired right now."

Illyana bit the inside of her cheek - was this the bitter taste of iron her taste buds felt? "Fine. I'll see you in the morning." She smiled and put her head down as she continued towards the room.

People change...