Risks to Take ✔

50

“Hey, Ai’Dome… You should really talk to him you know.”

Dome knows that well and even though how much Nine and Earth reminds him to talk already with Pavel, he can’t seem to do it. It wasn’t that easy especially when he can’t even remember what really happened three years ago. All he could remember is that he was having sex with someone and he enjoyed it.

Possibilities are: one, that man he was having sex with three years ago was Pavel; and two, it could be another man and Pavel knew all about it. Whichever possibility could have happened, he can’t really face it now. He doesn’t know himself why he can’t handle the truth sooner but one thing he knows perfectly is that he doesn’t want to lose Pavel.

He doesn’t know what happened and what happened three years ago could be the worst thing in his life—Pavel is highly involved in that moment of his life. All he needs is to listen to Pavel because he’s the one who offers to explain all of the things that happened then but what if… The what ifs are killing him and if came down to hating Pavel, he doesn’t want to know it now.

That look Pavel gave him when that woman told him about that date… That scares him in all the ways possible. Pavel knew about it, he saw it in his eyes, and that scared him the most. He doesn’t know Pavel could be deeply involved with that night and just by thinking about all the possibilities again… He misses him. He misses him despite the problem they are in. He misses him.

He’s been calling him non-stop. He was always there in his work. He was always waiting outside his house. Pavel is doing all he can to talk to him and all he did was to ignore, hide, and do his best not to answer his calls.

Dome finally had someone he doesn’t want to lose and it makes him the most vulnerable—especially most stupid and most coward.

He could lose Pavel now because of his rejection to face him but still, he’s running away.

“P’Earth, can I take a break?”

His manager gives him a weak smile and hugs him. “Whenever you’re ready to come back, call me and I’ll pick you up.”

He doesn’t have any major projects now and for the first time in his career, he’s asking for a break. All he can think of right now is to come home.

Nine gives him a sad smile, too, and before they could speak any word, Joong hugs them both on a tight hug.

Ben also gave him a hug and a pat on the head.

* * * * * * * * * *

“This is the first time you ever came home unannounced and without any occasion.” That was Dome’s mom’s greeting to him the moment he stepped out of his car.

He just smiled and hugged her tightly. He needed it so much.

There was also his dad and siblings and for the first time in days, he felt home and secured again.

“Ready to tell me what’s going on, baby?”

He is in the garden having coffee when his mom came with another cup of her delicious caffeine. Being called “baby” by his mom always does the trick of making him smile and uplifting his mood.

He immediately hugged her when she sat down beside him. “I don’t know where to start, mom.”

“Is it someone you like?” His mom asks, obviously very intrigue to what his answer might be. “Is there someone you finally like?”

That made him chuckle. “You didn’t say “is it the girl I like” or “is there a girl I finally like”, mom.”

His mom gives him a sweet tap on the cheek. “Well then, is it a girl?” Before he could answer, she holds his hands tightly. “You’re not like any other actors, or any guy for that matter, that have dating scandals here and then. When you were even a lot younger, you never liked anyone too and never put malice to the things you do with other people. When you were high school it was even more of a nuisance because girls and boys alike come to me often and rant about how cold you were…”

It was the first time he is hearing all of this. The thing that happened during high school was really possible though because his mom is a Math teacher and students could easily come to her but still—this is really the first time he heard about this. It must be really a nuisance for his mom.

“Mom, sorry—”

“No, baby.” She chuckles and pats his cheeks again. “Don’t apologize because it was a nuisance in a way that it was entertaining for both of your dad and I. Even though you’re the most oblivious person there is and didn’t knew all about this until now, we were so proud because our son is such a charmer to everyone.”

That made him pout a little, making his mom laugh.

“Which ends up to my point that I didn’t ask if it is a girl you finally like because I can’t assume that, baby. You’re such a charmer and it wouldn’t be surprising if it’s a man that would capture your heart.”

“You thought I was gay?”

“No, silly!” His mom is really laughing hard now. “Oh goodness.” She even wipes off happy tears. “This isn’t really about your sexuality, baby. It was about the love you’ll finally decide to have. Over the years that your dad and I waited for you to introduce someone, we promised to ourselves that whoever that person is as long as he or she loves you dearly and respects you and your decisions at life, we will accept him or her whole-heartedly in our family because it’s your love that matters here and never will be the sexuality.”

Hearing all of that from his mom makes him want to cry like a kid and rant everything to her until his heart is finally free of the fears he has. His mom hugs her tightly.

“So, who is this person that made my son come home with the burden in his heart?”

“Mom… I’m scared…”

Dome let it all out. His fears in not wanting to face the truth. His doubts that are preventing him to make a move. His cowardness of wanting to just run away. His anxieties of thinking everything might cost him to lose the first ever person he likes. He never mentioned about what really is that faithful night all about but he shared to his mom who is Pavel.

The man named Pavel who took his attention and peace of mind and brought it back with intention of staying too. The first ever person he liked and made him question the things he barely knew about liking a someone and wanting to learn them for him. The man that made him happy and this vulnerable in the shortest span of time.

“I understand that you’re scared and insecure and you can’t blame yourself for not being ready to face the truth because you know it has the heaviest consequences.

But all is fair in love and war, my baby.
There are so much risks to take when it comes to loving the person who makes you happy and whom you don’t want to lose. There is risking your sanity and peace of mind again because that person will shake the ground you’re standing in. There is the risk of putting your heart and body on the palms of the very person you like because you’re giving them the power to possibly hurt you.

There are other lots and lots of risks and it’s just a matter of wanting or not wanting to take those risks. Because by the end of the day, baby, the final question can also only be answered by you. Is Pavel worth taking the risks for?”

He didn’t know his tears were already falling uncontrollably until his mom starts wiping them for him.

“Time doesn’t matter when your heart starts beating for someone. Everyone just has a different time span. It’s just that you and Pavel are only starting off and you’re already facing the hardest questions you’ll answer. You might think that it’s impossible to answer those questions because you only know each other for a couple of months but isn’t it better like that? You’re already being challenged if what you have is only for temporary or for a lifetime. The main question is that—”

“—Is Pavel worth it?”

His mom smiles and kisses his forehead. “I’m so happy that you found a person you’ll feel like this with, my Dome. Take the longest time you need and don’t rush into facing him if you still don’t feel like it. Stay here as long as you need because we actually missed you so much.”

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you more always, my baby.”