Autumn Leaves / Park Jimin fanfiction

44. The Truth Untold

Sonder
The realisation that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

-

Autumn's POV

The car journey back to Seoul had been nothing but awkward. Namjoon had fallen asleep as soon as he had gotten in the car, not waking until we had dropped him off at home. Jimin had been drinking energy drinks like they were going out of fashion to help him stay awake during the three-hour drive back and Hobi had been huddled up next to me in a fetal position, his arms wrapped around mine. He was the happiest to see me when Jimin and I had arrived at the hotel. Since then he'd become my own personal koala, refusing to let go of me. My attention, however, had been on the boy sat in the passenger seat. I knew I had to approach him at some point, I had so many questions.

Hobi and Namjoon had gone home whilst me and Jungkook had decided to crash at Jimin's apartment. I laid covered in a blanket, my head resting on a pillow on top of Jimin's couch, opposite me Jungkook laid with his eyes closed. Although it was dark outside, a small table lamp lit up Jungkook's features. I saw little resemblance to Yoongi, Jungkook's features were harsher and more chiselled compared to Yoongi's soft features. Both were handsome but in their own way.

"Are you alright?" Jungkook opened his eyes, looking over at me, catching me in the staring act. I moved my blanket up to cover the bottom half of my face in embarrassment. I was sure he had been sleeping.

"Umm," I internally cringed at my response, my voice was high and squeaky, giving away that I was highly embarrassed.

"I'm assuming Jimin told you," Jungkook sighed heavily, sitting up from his sleeping position. His hair stuck up in all directions and his eyes were heavy with sleep.

"Yeah." I looked down at the ground, I hadn't anticipated having this conversation so soon. I needed time to prepare what I was going to say and ask but it looked like that wasn't an option anymore.

"I'm sorry for not mentioning it earlier." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. It was my first time not being afraid to be in the same room as Jungkook. He just looked so vulnerable all of a sudden.

"Why didn't you?" I didn't understand why he hadn't told me sooner. Almost all of our problems could have been avoided if he had.

"I was planning on telling you at Taehyung's party, but I drank too much. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if Jimin hadn't stopped me." Genuine regret flashed in Jungkook's eyes. He looked uncomfortable talking about the subject so I remained quiet. I didn't really know what to say. We stayed like that for a bit, just silence whilst we figured out what to say to each other.

"Did Yoongi ever talk about me?" Jungkook looked up at me fiddling with his thumbs, breaking the silence.

"I knew he had a brother, that's all." Yoongi had mentioned a younger brother before but never disclosed names. He liked his privacy and I didn't want to invade that, but now I regretted not asking more questions.

"I see." Jungkook sounded disappointed. "We used to do everything together. He was and still is my biggest role model, I think that's why I became such a failure after he died." It was clear Yoongi's death had affected him just as much as it had me.

"You're not a failure Jungkook, you've just made some stupid mistakes." I tried comforting him but I was never the best at making people feel better. I placed my hand lightly just above his knee.

"I just don't understand why he did it. Was he really struggling that much?" Jungkook kicked his legs off the edge of the sofa, swinging them back and forth, my hand still resting on his leg.

"Neither do I," I spoke lowly. I lived with the guilt every day of not realising something was wrong, but I felt better talking to Jungkook knowing he was just oblivious to it as I was.

"If I could turn back time and take his place at the top of that bridge I would any day." Jungkook's words were quiet and almost inaudible despite the fact the apartment was silent apart from our voices.

"Bridge?" I looked up at Jungkook confused. "Yeah?" His eyes found mine showing an equal amount of confusion.

"Yoongi died of an overdose." That's what I had been told, Yoongi had been on painkillers for a while but he told me it was for his shoulder due to an accident he had when he was younger.

"What? no, he didn't." I sat up straight, keeping my eyes on Jungkook. "But- " I struggled to finish my sentence, what was going on?'

"There was no funeral because they never found his body." Jungkook explained, looking worried. Yoongi never had a proper funeral, I'd assumed it was because his father had died when he was only young and his mother had gotten remarried and started up a new family, practically leaving Yoongi and Jungkook to defend for themselves.

"But what about his grave?" I thought back to the small headstone I'd been visiting for the past three years, the words clearly engraved into stone.

"He doesn't have one." Jungkook moved up off the couch throwing the blanket off him to the ground. His eyes were wide and his breathing unsteady. "Show me," was the last thing he said before we were running through the streets of Seoul towards Yoongi's grave.