In life, we are bound to lose people that are not meant for us... that's why I did not regret losing him.
TW: this story contains theme about domestic violence
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Song: Homicide Love- James Arthur
Run
When you're in an abusive relationship, people often ask:
"Why don't you just leave?"
"Why do you still stay?"
"Why does she stay? Is she out of her mind? Gusto niya bang patayin ang sarili niya?"
The answer is easy: It's dangerous to leave an abuser.
I was in denial at the beginning. I keep on telling myself that Ace wasn't abusing me. He just gone through some tough time in his life and this is how he reacts from it so I always try to understand him.
But the beating didn't stop. Once I recovered from the hospital, he bought a gun. I was surprised for a moment. Saan naman kaya niya gagamitin iyon? Is that gun even registered?
All of these questions in my head, but I didn't get any answer to that. He told me that he needed the gun so he can feel protected. I don't know what he means by that. Is his life in danger?
I don't even know where he got the money to buy it.
To my surprise he was very kind to me during the first weeks that I was trying to recover from the beating that I got from him a few weeks ago. He was taking care of me, serving me foods, and he always asks me if I'm comfortable.
I thought to myself that maybe... it wasn't really his intention to hurt me. He just overreacted and he just needs some understanding.
Ngunit nagulat na lamang ako nang isang gabi ay inilagay niya sa ilalim ng unan namin ang baril na kanyang binili. I was so scared for my life that I couldn't sleep. I kept on thinking that this could blow my head anytime. He was sleeping peacefully next to me habang ako ito at pawis na pawis dahil sa takot.
It took me a while to realize that it was his way to introduce the danger that I was in. I knew that it was dangerous to leave him because I know he's capable of killing me even before I could leave.
Hindi rin siya natigil sa pag-susugal at sa mga bisyo niya. He's always at the casino, wasting all the money he's got. Madalas ay uuwing lasing at tsaka ibubuntong ang galit sa akin.
While I keep on trying to do my best to take care of him, he's also doing his best to ruin both of our lives.
Isang araw ay nagulat na lamang ako na ipinaalam niya sa akin na pati ang bahay na ito ay ibinenta niya na rin. It seems like it was nothing to him, though. Mukhang wala siyang pakialam kung mawawalan man kami ng bahay.
