Broken Hearts And Bruised Egos -Book 1

Chapter 53- River

I sat up on the blanket and made room for Trevor to sit down.

"I thought you were going to spend the next two weeks ignoring me." I glanced at him.

"I considered it. But eventually our paths were bound to cross, so I think it's just better if we clear the air now."

He examined my face for a minute before reaching out and gently touching my cheek.

"I hate that you had to fight. I hate it even more that it was because of Blaise and I."

"I played my part in it too. I could have kept some of my comments to myself."

"You did get a little cocky." He laughed.

"Do you hate me?" I asked wanting to skip the small talk and get right down to it.

"Why would I hate you?" he looked confused.

"For the text message, the one that triggered your episode."

He sighed. "That wasn't your fault River. I should never have stopped taking my medication."

"Why did you?"

"Because I thought I was stronger than the disorder. When I'm around you I feel calm and in control of my feelings. The same can't be said for my body though." He gave me a sly smile.

"You make me want to be a better person River."

"Having a disorder doesn't make you weak or a bad person.  If anything, I think it means you are stronger than the rest of us, because despite your struggles, you always show up. You are always there to rescue me from whatever situation I get myself into. You are there for your teammates and your friends and It's obvious that you'd do anything for your mother."

" What about what happened a few weeks ago? Still think I'm such a great person after I knocked you on your ass?"

"Don't do that. Don't use that to push me away."

He studied me for a moment.

"I know you better than anyone. We both know that was an isolated incident and I already told you I don't blame you for that, I should never have jumped in front of you."

"So you aren't afraid of me? You aren't at all worried that I'll have another episode and hurt you again?"

I turned to face him.

"I know you love me and I know that you would never hurt me on purpose. But Trevor I am terrified whenever I'm near you."

He looked away, clenching his jaw.

"But not because of your disorder. I am terrified of the way you make me feel about myself and the way I feel for you."

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. I can't help how I feel about you.  You make me feel like a damn goddess. I'm bolder when you're around, I feel protected and adored. Every feeling, every touch, every desire...they are all intensified when I'm with you. But what terrifies me the most is that It's getting harder and harder for me to control myself with you."

"And you need to because of Blaise?"

"Yes. Because I love him. And because he deserves all of me, not just pieces."

"How come it's so easy for you to admit you love him but you can't even say it out loud about me?"

"Because If I say it out loud, I think everything will change."

He studied me very closely, taking his time.

"You know he thinks we need each other, you and I."