If We Ever Get an Hour Together (A Van McCann fanfiction)

Take Over My Whole Week

Lucia:

It was a simple chain of events really. And it started like this.

Van hung up the phone. He didn't call back. I dialed his number and he sent me to voicemail. I grabbed my stuff and told my friends I had to go home. I dialed him again. He didn't answer. I realized he wasn't joking. I stood outside my car at school and sent one, two, three texts telling him to pick up the phone.

I dialed again. He didn't answer. I started crying somewhere between dialing him. Disgusting hot blubbery tears that didn't dry on my drive home. I sat on my apartment steps and gripped my phone in my hands. Somewhere in the middle of this Isabel saw me and came out, asking what was wrong. I cried so hard I threw up in the bathroom, while Isabel rubbed my back and sniffled because she's a sympathy crier.

Simple really.

Now, I laid in bed and watched Isabel pace the room. "He's fucked. When I talk to him, the guy is fucking fucked!" Isabel looked at me. "Who does he think he is? 'We're not harmonious together' my fucking ass! How many times was he reaching out to you, coming to you? Fucking asshole piece of shit dickhead I swear."

I rubbed my head and pressed my face against my pillow. No, Van couldn't have just ended things like that. It was inconceivable. Wasn't he just telling me he loved me a couple of days ago? I felt a fresh wave of tears coming.

Isabel continued her rant. "Everything you did for him. You were practically disowned by Gabi for him! Dear god, he's gonna pay for it. Whether it's a joke or not."

"I don't think it's a joke." My voice cracked. "This isn't really his type of humor."

"Right. He's just an asshole." Isabel sat next to me. She blinked rapidly, her eyes wet. "He's going to pay for it Luz, I swear." I'd already told her everything, from the call to Van lashing out. It had all happened so quickly. How could he have broken my heart so quickly?

"I feel like...." I struggled to speak. My chest ached and my nose was completely plugged. Every time I swallowed my throat seemed to get tighter and tighter. I imagined Van lying in this bed a mere couple of weeks ago, his laughter ringing in my ear while his hands wrapped around my waist. Dear god. "I feel like I'm going to..." My voice trembled.

My phone buzzed on the bedside where Isabel had placed it. She checked it, putting it down. "It's Luca."

I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to dissolve into my bed. I wanted to hear Van's voice in my ear. Feel his hands around my face. Was it something I said? Was it all just because of me? I laid on my stomach, turned away from Isabel. I didn't want her to see the new wave of tears springing from my eyes. "I'm going to sleep for a little." My voice trembled.

"Ok." Isabel stood up slowly. The creak of her footsteps ended with the whisper of the door shutting. I pressed my face against my pillow, feeling the chest ache deepen as I struggled to breathe over a sob.

"I love you. I'm sorry. I love you." I gripped the pillow that had unspokenly become Van's when he stayed. I pressed it against me.

Dear god how could it physically hurt this much?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't sleep obviously. I sat up and thought of Van and would lapse in and out of sadness, anger, and pity. Isabel's footsteps would sound a couple of times throughout the apartment. Finally, I heard her go into her bedroom. It was nearing midnight, and she'd checked up on me a couple of times but I'd pretended to be asleep.

Now, I slowly walked out of my bedroom. The lights were off everywhere. I wandered to the kitchen and drank a glass of water, listening for any sounds from Isabel. I loved her, but I didn't want to be asked how I was doing or looked at in that way she was looking at me since I'd told her Van had broken up with me.