If We Ever Get an Hour Together (A Van McCann fanfiction)

Think About It

Van:

I dug my teeth into the side of my cheek as I dialed. She picked up after two rings, her voice noticeably calmer than the last time. "Hi."

"Hello." I didn't know how to navigate into the point of my call. I could hear Gabi's explanations in one ear and Lucia's breathing in another. I was sitting in my old flat, the one I'd had since way back when. Since before Noah was even a thought in my mind. "How are you?"

"Fine, what's wrong?"

"No, really," I breathe out. "How are you really?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Are you ok? With Noah? With everything?" I didn't mean to bombard her with questions, but maybe that's what I should've done since way back before I'd left. I hadn't noticed a thing. And Lucia hadn't seemed troubled. 

"What do you mean?"

"Don't tell her I told you. Act like it's nothing. Like you're just asking  for no reason. But Gabi should've realized I couldn't think that quick. I had nothing to hide from Lucia. "Gabi called me. She said you had a panic attack over dinner." 

There was a long long silence. Finally, Lucia spoke. "She called you? Why? And you just listened to her? She was being dramatic, she"-

"But are you ok? Just tell me." 

"I'm fine. And I'd be better if you didn't suddenly start listening to Gabi. Since when are you so chummy with her? I could've sworn she hated your guts." Lucia's voice was hard. I rubbed my fingers together, swallowing. 

"It doesn't matter anyway, I'll be back soon."Lucia stayed silent on the other end. "Luz?" She hung up, leaving me listening to the dial tone. 

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Lucia:

I was so irritated I thought I was going to throw up. I stared at the screen and though my quick first thought was to call Van back and apologize, I crossed my arms and pressed against the cushion. The baby monitor was keeping me caught up on Noah, so all I had to do was sit here and stew in annoyance. 

If I were any other person, I would've called Gabi and let her have it. Who did she think she was? Didn't she practically hate Van? Yes, she could tolerate him for my sake, but now she was calling him, too? 

I brushed my tongue against my teeth and finally opened a message to Van. 

I'm fine. Maybe believe me over my sister? 

But I deleted it and turned off the lights, sitting in the living room with the television on and the baby monitor humming into my hip. 

I jolted awake to the sound of Noah's yells. Stumbling off the couch, I pushed into the nursery, mindlessly shushing the baby while picking him up. "You're fine, you're fine. I'm here." Tiredness soaked into the back of my eyes. My head felt heavy, but I shook it to wake myself, hands gripping a tiny whiny baby. "Shh shh." On autopilot, I did all the things I had to do, changing Noah's diaper, feeding him, burping him, and finally balancing him in my arms while I walked back to the living room. 

Another yawn. The sun was barely coming up. "You don't want to let me sleep at all, huh?" I gripped Noah in my hands and held him up. His eyes were huge, surprised. Why did babies always look so taken aback? "Hi. Good morning." I'd read somewhere you had to talk to babies a lot to stimulate their brain. "Is your brain stimulated? Do you know who I am?" Noah's mouth turned up,  revealing bright pink gums. My head cleared, heart momentarily melting. "Do you miss Dad? Do you know where dad is?" Noah's eyes followed mine, his little limbs moving furiously. This fragile tiny human jerked in my hands. I swallowed, shaking my head again. Another huge yawn. "I'm fine, are you fine?"