If We Ever Get an Hour Together (A Van McCann fanfiction)

Walk the Line

Lucia:

I locked myself in my room once we got home. Isabel said she'd go to work and then come back early so we could brainstorm. Brainstorm what I wasn't sure. It wasn't her body that was going through this shitshow, it was mine. 

I took off my clothes and slipped under the covers. Isabel said she'd get the prenatal vitamins for me on her way back after work. I chewed on my thumbnail and poked a finger into my stomach, waiting to feel something. 

I had class today, but I blew it off. Dear god, I would not be able to go to class and function knowing that I was forming a second human in my body. I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling, taking deep breaths that seemed to cut off. 

I reached for my telephone on the nightstand, biting down on my cheek. I couldn't tell Van. 

No, I didn't want to tell Van. How could I say it to him when he was so far away? I thought of chubby babies and tried to imagine myself fitting a crib in this room. No, my head was starting to hurt. 

And Van, well he didn't have the intention to be a father right now, did he? He'd probably dump me on the spot. No, of course I knew he wouldn't be such a coward, but I knew he wouldn't be jumping for joy at the news. I put the phone back, moving to my side. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, hunching over. It was cloudy outside, and the lack of light in my room made it easier to shut my eyes and try to sleep. 

But I'm sure I wasn't going to get good sleep in a while. Not until this whole situation was figured out. 

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Isabel shut the front door behind her, gripping the white pharmacy bag. "I gave the pharmacist the prescription and she said not to do generic. Something about chemicals and blah blah blah. So you've got yourself some fancy vitamins with added fiber." She dropped the bag in front of me. I rubbed my face, finally reaching for the bag. "Have you talked to Van?"

"No, I haven't talked to Van." All I'd done was lay in bed for an hour and then moved to the living room to sit and watch commercials. My throat felt scratchy and the sandwich I'd made for lunch was not sitting well. I licked my lips, glancing at the bag. A fresh wave of overwhelming swept over me. I had a paper to write. I didn't want to have to think about prenatal vitamins and all that. "Isabel, I..." I cleared my throat. "I called the family planning clinic downtown. I have an appointment on Friday at 3."

Isabel didn't flinch. "Ok, I see." She licked her lips. "I just think...you should talk to Van first. He is the...shit Luz, he's the father. And you've got to make sure that he's on the same page."

"It's my body Isabel. And of course, he's on the same page, you think he wants to think about a baby right now?" I bit my tongue. Wasn't Isabel always on my side? "I just thought you'd be a little more supportive."

"Of course I am Lucia. I just think that it's like the morally right thing. I'm behind you on anything you want, but don't get mad at me because I backed up your spontaneous fit." Isabel grabbed the remote from my arm of the couch and turned off the television. "I just don't want you to feel bad after." 

I ran my tongue against my teeth. "This isn't about you Isabel."

She was relentless. "I'm going to pretend that's the hormones. Call him now. Or I will."

My throat tightened. "Weren't you just saying how Van wasn't in your good graces anymore?"

"Why are you acting like he isn't in yours either? If you love the guy so much I'd think you'd want to let him know you're carrying his child." Isabel's voice rose toward the end of her sentence, but she cleared her throat and stepped away from me. "You need to think a little, Luz." She disappeared into the kitchen, and I heard the whisper of the fridge.