If We Ever Get an Hour Together (A Van McCann fanfiction)

You and Me, Baby

"But you're just not seeing my point of view at all!" I held my arms up, watching Van shake his head. "What happened to, everything I want?"

Van rubbed his face. "I didn't think that meant you giving me an ultimatum."

I swallowed, leaning my head back against the wall. My legs felt stiff from walking all day. I was starting to show too, so I kept mindlessly pulling my shirt down.

It had been three months since Van and I had settled on the idea of having a baby. Everything felt strange to me. It seemed like my body was acting on its own account now, and I was just on standby. And now Van wanted me to reconsider moving to London for the rest of my pregnancy because he couldn't understand the fact that I wanted to continue to work toward my longterm goals during it. He only wanted me to go along with whatever he wanted, that best suited his plans. "Van, you swore that you would support me."

"Lucia, I'm putting the band through a hiatus to be here. Our label's just about done with us! Don't tell me I'm not supporting you."

I swallowed. I knew he was going to bring that up. He'd been so patient, so understanding. But I knew on the inside he was in turmoil. The label had given the band a grace period, but this was pushing back a lot of deals and events I hadn't even known Van and the others were cooking up. Van had been living out of a duffle bag at my apartment these last few weeks, and I could tell he was getting fed up with the lack of space between us and Isabel.

But didn't he think about me? I didn't want to bring it up because of course every woman who decided to have a kid went through their own brave experience, but I couldn't function normally anymore! My body wasn't entirely mine right now, and it was frustrating. I blinked rapidly now while Van paced the room, and I could tell he kept digging into his pockets for a cigarette. "You said you'd quit smoking."

"I know," He groaned, slapping his hands against his jeans. "But it's hard."

I ran my tongue against my teeth. We were barely a few months in and already I felt completely overwhelmed. My parents weren't exactly thrilled, but they were incredibly supportive. And Gabi, well she was a little less cold but these last few times I'd seen her, her eyes had quickly gone to my stomach and she'd had a death glare of sorts in her eyes. She wasn't speaking to Van. Outside, Isabel was watching tv. Van and Isabel's relationship was not the best, even after this sudden unity to see the best for me. Isabel still voiced her doubts to me on Van's commitment and overall maturity. "I know he's trying his best, but..." She'd started the conversation like this quite a few times recently.

Nothing seemed to be going as dreamily as I expected. But, why had I expected things to run smoothly anyway? I took a deep breath, running my hands through my hair. "We need, space." I finally concluded, watching Van cross his arms and lean against my bedroom wall.

"Our own space?" Van raised his eyebrows. He'd been voicing his desire for an apartment every night when we crawled into bed together these last few days. My bed was getting to be too small for us.

"Yes."

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Two months later:

It seemed I was eating for four, not two. Every hour, I stood in our tiny kitchen and raided the fridge, listening to Van mindlessly strumming his guitar in the living room. He was antsy, like all the time, pulling me out into the city even after I said my feet hurt. "....oh oh, an encore..." Van hummed, pressing his pencil to his mouth. He glanced at me while I leaned against the counter, biting into an apple. "Wish I was that apple." He grinned, putting his guitar down and standing up.