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It hit her.
All at once.
She graduated high school, made those around her as well as herself happy at what she's accomplished. She got that piece of paper that shows that she did what was required.
Hugs and kisses and tons of pictures. She never would've thought what it would be like now. The next day felt like another day. She didn't have to go that roach infested, sweat smelling, gossip filled school.
Sure she lost a couple people but she did what most couldn't do. She graduated. She should feel happy. Right?
It's now September and she's not in college. Doesn't even have a job yet but she's still looking. Looking at social media, she feens for the material things and to be somebody that makes her family proud. She dreams to be able to do multiple things at once.
She desires to be somebody. A somebody who accomplished her dream while doing other things. 'But what can you accomplish with wanting to be a singer?' She thought. 'It's not like a doctor or a speech therapist. I'd just be looked down apon. A shame to the family.'
That's how she felt. Though she knows that her parents don't think of her that way, she feels herself that she's a disgrace. She could change that, she has the ability to. But she has a fear.
A fear of not being enough, a fear of the judgement that she'd face, a fear of everything. She longed to be as great as she was as a high school student.
She longed to be like her best friend. Her best friend was everything she strived to be and more. She didn't know how she could do it. Her best friend had every trait that she wanted to have. Bold, brave, ambitious, wise, hardworking, beautiful.
Her bestfriend would always tell her that 'shit doesn't come for free.' And she never lied. She knew that for sure.
The girl wasn't afraid of life. She was afraid of being a failure. She wanted to have EVERYTHING together at 18. She's graduated so she feels like she has to be amazing.
She doesn't know how to feel. There were times she cried because of it. Because she's not how she wanted to be. She's not who she wants to be.
