I'm working
And everywhere I look I see the body I should have
And all I can think about is how fat I am
And how I ate too much yesterday
And today
And how I should have thrown up more last night
And how I'll throw up more tonight
And I'm at work so there's nothing I can do
And there's nothing to do at work so all I do is think
Think about how I'm fat
How I'm a failure
How it's still better than home
How I miss the friends I'm not allowed to see
How I'd rather be anywhere else
Anywhere else is not a place
But a body
Any body but mine
Fuck
I hate me
I'm fat
Shit
And I'm still at work
Fuck
And I'll be back tomorrow
Shit
I have to purge tonight
I might eat soup tonight
Y'know
Easy to throw up
That is not advice
That is a warning
Avoid soup
Avoid work
Avoid thinking
These warnings are for me
And you
But me
And I know
I'll ignore them
I know that
I have to go to work tomorrow
At work I think
Once I think, I eat soup
Then I get rid of the soup
Shit
All in a days work
YOU ARE READING
Blood Stains
Poetry*trigger warning* I'm lost•I'm broken•I'm hurt•I'm sorry ~the ones marked "x" are about my struggle with food and eating~
