I have a list of people I want to say fuck you to
And a list of people I want to apologize to
And a lot of the names overlap
And I don't know which list comes first
I'm sick to my stomach because the hatred I have for myself runs so deep
Both my leg and my arm are bleeding
And I'm tracing the exacto knife over my most prominent vein
So tempted
Because I want to die
Because I cause more pain than good being alive
And I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment
You say my actions hurt you
And they hurt me
But that's the fucking point
To hurt
And I'm sorry your feelings are a casualty
And I want you to go
To leave
Because I do love you
And I don't want to hurt you
But I know I always will
You hurt me too
But I hurt myself more
I'm done being alive
And I'm praying to a God I dont believe in to just let me die
I'm tempted
My vein is so open and vulnerable
I could end it now
And I have bottles upon bottles of pills meant to help me that I could use to end me if I wanted a less bloody death
To maybe scar my family less
And I'm sorry that I'm thinking this
And I know I'm so hypocritical
Telling all my friends to live because life is worth it
But I know it's worth it
I just don't care
I'm ready to die
And if I never get to say goodbye I'll say it tonight
Goodbye
I'm sorry
I'm just so tempted
And I'm so done
I don't know how to ask for help
I don't know if I want help
Please let me die
YOU ARE READING
Blood Stains
Poetry*trigger warning* I'm lost•I'm broken•I'm hurt•I'm sorry ~the ones marked "x" are about my struggle with food and eating~
