Randomly shaking throughout the day
Feeling both freezing and uncomfortably warm at the same time
Being told to calm down
Being told there's nothing to worry about
Being told to stop shaking
Trying to hide the hyperventilating from the other kids on the bus
Being ridiculed by my brother
Hyperventilating excessively once the bus is out of sight
Crying at the thought of going up my driveway and into my house
Trying so hard to stop hyperventilating
Failing to stop hyperventilating
Walking up my driveway slowly
Feeling shitty even though my mom is trying to comfort me
Wanting to run from here
Crying in my room
Not breathing in my room
Pacing in my room
Cutting in my room
Reading poetry in my room
Crying because my dog is whining at me
Getting mad at her for whining when I don't pet her
Crying after getting mad at her
Crying when she lays down on my lap and sleeps
Hating myself because I'm fat
Wanting to workout
Feeling fat because I am and my dog is sleeping on me
Wanting to do anything
Even if it kills me
Especially if it kills me
Wanting to be anywhere but here
Hating myself
Hating my house
Hating life
Wanting to take a nap
Knowing I can't nap until after I have worked out
Wondering how I can avoid dinner
Thinking about how much food I ate over the weekend
I hate myself
....
It's only 4:30pm
YOU ARE READING
Blood Stains
Poetry*trigger warning* I'm lost•I'm broken•I'm hurt•I'm sorry ~the ones marked "x" are about my struggle with food and eating~
