Seventeen Lee Chan Fanfic | "My 13th month."

6. B- Bye 2021, bring back the past.

Chapter 6.

B . Bye 2021, bring back the past.

With his Noona resting her head on his shoulder while they're hugging, she's still above him, legs wrapped around his waist while his fingers are traveling up and down her spine, and her fingers playing with strands of his blonde hair that is almost reaching to his nape.
Everything is so silent in the room while outside the morning birds are singing.
We couldn't get enough from what we did last night. Pleasure and guilt were together in my heart now, I did it again, with my ex.
I couldn't ever say I don't love the one I am with for two years, but something is keeps on pulling me back to my ex.
and no, it's not just for sex...
Is it the fire in his eyes? No, I like my boyfriend's fire as well, I would say the affection, but it's not that either.
it's the idea of doing something dangerous with you. But it's already over.
it's the idea of being bad, while everyone around us thinking we're innocent. But I feel it's already over.
it's the idea of crossing our own limits, even when we we're together as a couple, the teasing, the common desire we share. But we're not a couple anymore.
I love being bad with you. Bad like this, with you. But I can't say I will stay.
it's not just for the sex... but last night it was for the emotions within me.
Our laughter together, our pinky promise's, our hugs, our tears, our bad and good days together. Us. All of this stayed inside our framed pictures.
In our minds as memories.
I can't bring back the emotions that are dead already, for you, Chan.
but... how innocent they thought we we're, after you confessed with your promise ring for me, before leaving to army.
You pulled me in and made me go down on my knees for you.
I lost myself to you, you lost yourself in me, when I was Eighteen, and you were before your 18th birthday.
Who from our friends, knew about it?
no-one knew, no one knows, no one would believe this as well.
and I wouldn't ever think of having you as my lover, but I can't lie... I'd say you were inside the deepest fantasizes I've had once.
having my first love as a lover, while I have someone else.
"Remember our first time?" your sudden question, hitting me subconsciously.
He puts me down, covering the both of us with his blanket. we're lying next to each other.
"I just thought about that." I say.
"What about it, though?" I look at him.
His squinty eyes are looking deep inside mine.
although, we just made love... I can see in your eyes that you're no longer mine.
He thinks to himself.
You're still in love with me, though. I think to myself.
"You were so different, I mean... you changed your hairstyle, you've changed into someone else, but... I know who you are." his hand goes down to my hair, touching it.
why am I getting these 'teenagers in love' feelings as you're looking at me, with that gaze of yours? I know it's already over, but I still get these feelings, occasionally, in me.
"It's still me." I am saying, and he's laughing.
that's what made me fall in love with him once, he giggled everytime I said something, no matter what, he just stared at me and giggled, in that sexy undescribed way, with his open lips.
"My dad still thinks I lost my virginity to you when I got back from the military base for the first time. Remember, when we fought?" I laugh from the memories he brings back; I turn to look at the celling and try to focus on how many times I was staring at that ceiling after making love to you.
"You're so open with your dad, though, I missed him, to be honest." I say with a smile on my face from thinking about Chan's dad.
I am sorry I broke his son's heart. I really am. Deep inside.
"You know, Noona..." he says, recovers from the laughter, placing his palm on my cheek, caressing it slightly, making me shiver. Making me turn my gaze back at him.
"My dad always told me he believes in our comeback." I look at him talking, as these words come to my mind and I analyze them again, I nod.
our comeback.
I say nothing, just stare at him.
"Do you believe we'd-?" before he finishes his questions, I cut him off.
"You know, Chan... you'll always remain in my mind." his eyes are stuck at my lips, he nods slowly.
"I know you love me." Chan says that, at once. His tone turns to a confident one.
my heart skips a beat from the way he talks and stares into my eyes, capturing my soul with that look of his.
"I know you're not here because of how my sex always made you feel; I know it's beyond that. You're not that kind of girl who's looking for-"
I know you're not that kind of girl, who'd get on her knees for any boy she meets in the streets. You're one of a kind, a dazzling mess.
Oh, Noona, you'll act so hard to get if some boy that isn't your type would fall for you, I am so fucking in love with loving someone like you, I have been searching for someone like you since you left, but I couldn't find anyone, until I met you again, yesterday, that feeling of being in love came back to me as I heard Eva shouting out your name. I couldn't believe it you're back.
I knew I'd make you mine again-
"I've changed, Chan." I say, cut his thoughts off.
his hand is falling from my cheek, and it slides under the blanket, he's taking my hand and intertwines our fingers together, but I let go of his hand as I rise from his bed to a sitting position, cover my body with his blanket.
His heart break comes as a stormy wave.
"I need to leave." I say as I bend down to take my cloths from the floor.
fuck. He curses in Korean.
"You're kidding, right?" he lifts himself up, so he sits on the bed.
"No..." I shake my head, "Why didn't you tell me you came for one day?" he was getting pretty serious about this.
"Why would I? I came only for Eva's party, I didn't know she did everything for me to come, so I came because I had some free time from the exams, although my two years have passed, I am going back to NC, Chan." I say without turning to look at him.
He keeps quiet.
As I started to get dressed in front of his eyes, turning around to see his upset and serious face expression.
"Chan." I place my hand on his shoulder, "would it change anything if I told you I'm leaving today?" I ask, lift myself to sit in front of him, I look at his bare chest.
"You make me feel so confused-" he says, runs his fingers inside his blonde hair in an angry way, sighing so loud.
"What? why-?"
"Don't ask why, just don't ask why, Lee."
Hearing him saying my name in such a serious tone was like a shock for me.
"You fuck with me as if I was forcing you to, as if you do me a fucking favor and then you just walk away from my life again, is this a fucking game?"
"I-" I am speechless.
I don't know what to say.
"It's over. I get it by the way you made love to me, yesterday, today. I get it, it's over. It's not the same, I get it now, finally!" I listened to his voice saying these words and all I wanted to do is cry.
He makes me feel pain, that was the hardest part of being with him.
I loved him so hard it made me feel pain, mostly pain with love, something that doesn't exist in Brian's love. It was so bad, with Chan, loving him was like risking my whole life. It affected my mental health, worrying constantly about him being far away, not understanding him and his ways to show me how he cared.
I looked down at his messy sheets, then up to his bare chest as I said; "I am sorry."
"I am sorry, too." He's saying quickly, seriously.
My eyes are finding his within seconds and we look at each other.
"I am sorry for wasting your precious time. You could find another, someone who would make you happier, and not someone like me who you'd argue with most of your time. I am sorry for fighting over stupid things with you, but I dearly loved you. Chan." I say.
I watch him shaking his head while muttering a few words, smiling from his anger and nerves.
"I am sorry for wasting your precious time, as well." He says after I am done talking.
I watch him how he nods sadly, with a serious expression on his face.
I watch how his expression changes within seconds as he smiles to himself.
"Your mother was right once she said I am not going to be the guy who you're going to end up married to, one day." He says, nods to himself.
"I understand that now." He adds, silence falls in the room.
"It has nothing to do with my mom's words-"
"She never loved me anyways,"
"I'm sorry but I didn't really pay attention to who she wanted me to date with. don't bring my mom up, please."
"Sure." He mutters.
Seconds turns to minutes and no one of us is talking.
I look up at the clock, it shows 10am already.
Time is flying, when I am with you.
I am about to leave his bed, but his hand stops me from getting up.
I turn around, look at his hand gripping on mine.
"I understand what you mean when you tell me it's really over, but tell me even if you'd come here again, to our neighborhood, you won't get back to love me as you once did." He begs for me to talk, but I'm not going to say anything, I just shake my head and he let go of my hand.