Seventeen Lee Chan Fanfic | "My 13th month."

13. D- Do you like me?

Chapter 13.

D . Do you like me?

Minutes, hours, days and nights have passed with my new friends around me, with my best friend who I had a massive crush on since I met him, Chan, I had turned Sixteen by the end of the year as Chan celebrated his sixteenth birthday in the new year.
We've had celebrated out birthday's together and hung out as a whole squad, but I didn't think I could hold my feelings inside, so I told Soonyoung about it.
It was a sunny Sunday, I found myself sitting in front of Soonyoung in his large kitchen, drinking the milkshake he just made for us.
Chan, Eva and Vernon weren't with us that day, I can't remember what else I did on that day, but I can't forget our conversation.

May 2015.

"You care for Chan." He says while sipping from his straw.
I look at him without saying anything, I nod a little.
"Well, I can't unseen that. That's a fact." Soonyoung always liked to be cynical, but this time he is serious.
"I do care-"
He starts to laugh loudly, on purpose.
My eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"Don't you see that he tries to impress you everytime?" Soonyoung's face now was so close to mine, that I could feel his breath on my face so easily.
I push him back and he laughs.
Chan was acting normal, as he always did when he was with me, I didn't notice any special or weird behavior, why would Soonyoung think that way?
"We're best friends-" I giggle, but Soonyoung won't let me finish my sentence; he cuts off my voice again.
"You're so blind ah?"
"What the hell do you mean by that?" I talk back and he looks aside.
"You won't believe me anyway." He mumbles, "Spit it out Kwon."

He looks back at me, tries to read my face, he just stares at me for a few moments without talking.
"Spit all you know-"
Spit it.
"He has a crush on you." so serious.
Wait. What?
I look into his tiger Asian small eyes and start laughing.
Wait...
I stop.
"A crush on me!?" I shout.
he nods, laughs like a crazy man.
"Oops." He shrugs his shoulders, still laughs.
I stared at him for a couple of moments, shook my head and said a loud no.
"Stop here. I can't think about it."
He nods buy says; "Why not?"
"Because he is my best friend. It'll break me apart."
"What will?"
"I... I don't know." I stutter.
So young and so stupid.
"Lee." He tries to recover from all the crazy laughter.
I look down.
"Let's pretend that we didn't talk about this."
I look up, to see Soonyoung's little smile, and the next thing he did was; promise me with his little pinkie.
Just like Chan always did.
And it really surprised me, that he promised to not tell Chan, but he told me he knew about my crush on him, and I'm still surprised he didn't tell him anything.

But the funny thing was, Soonyoung told me that Chan cares for me, too.

I didn't want to believe him because I knew it would make me go to him and ask him that, since we were so close to each other.
I just stopped him and tried to forget about our conversation, since then, he didn't mention it, not even once.

A week after the conversation, I sat with Chan at Minty's and we ordered a chocolate milkshake...
We sat at our table, on the leathered pink diner sofa, while he sipped from his milkshake, I noticed how my leg shuddered from the nervousness.
Before I opened my mouth and my voice was heard, I felt a warm touch on my knee.
Chan's palm was trying to stop my leg from shuddering.
He giggled as I looked up at him.
The feeling of his hand on my knee was making my whole body to shiver.
"Noona...why are you so nervous?" with his wondering eyes, and the straw in between his teeth, he asks.
No way you like me, as Soonyoung said...
Why you pay attention to my nervousness?
"Ah?" I ask him as if I didn't hear his question, "Why are you-?"
"Do you like me?"

His straw falls inside his milkshake cup.
His jaw drops.
Blink. Blink. Blink.
My heart beats so fast. I can't count my own heart beats since I feel them all over my body.
Chan's palm instinctively squeezes my knee, oh so lightly.
"Do you like me?" I ask again as I look inside his eyes, stars and galaxies, falling stars... and a whole new world, inside those slanted eyes of his.
I watch him start laughing, leaning on my shoulder as he always does when he laughs.
"Ah... Noona... I thought you were serious for a second..." he breaths heavily as he laughs, I look around us to see a few people looking at us.
"I am serious." I say, in a serious tone.
He nods, still laughing, and he takes his milkshake.
I watch him as he drinks his milkshake, placing his hand on his heart.
I was so close to say those words to Noona... fuck... I am so good in acting.
Silence falls between us two as he drinks his milkshake and I watch him.
"Cha-" he lets his straw to fall inside his milkshake cup again, turns his head to look at me;
"Who wouldn't like you, Noona?" his eyes are shining as I blink, I try to look away but I know that I won't.
"Who wouldn't?" he asks again, titling his head to the side, "You've got so many sides in you to not only like, but to love."
My reaction was far from what I thought it'd be.
I thought I'd find myself all red, speechless and frightened, but instead, something made me start laughing.
"Be sure I'll find the right man for you, Noona. I already told you that." He turned very serious within a few seconds.
I looked at Chan as the butterflies inside my stomach made me stop laughing and look at him.
"So, you do like me." I mumble under my breath.
His small Asian eyes looks down at my lips for a few seconds, and he lets a giggle out.
Say it, stupid Chan... I can't say it... why can't I say it?
"You're my best friend, of course I like you."
Friend.
There, I was stunned, sitting and smiling at my best friend, Chan, but my heart was breaking, little by little, crack by crack, I couldn't feel it at once, but I felt how it was breaking into tiny pieces.
I was so mad inside, but I covered it all by a laugh and a good-bye hug.
Chan wanted to walk me to my house, but I smiled at him as always and waved good-bye.
Chan cursed himself for his foolish words, I told her that she's my best friend and I could see that smile of hers... she wanted to hear something else, but why?
she likes me too?
You're so stupid, Lee's voice is ringing in Chan's ears.
Lee walks home, she takes the long way home, as Chan does the same while they don't know they chose the same long way.
Both are thinking about the words that were said earlier.
Soonyoung, that stupid Soonyoung... if he didn't tell me that Chan likes me, I wouldn't ever ask him that to get my heart so broken as it is right now, I'm such a fool.
He thinks I'm his best friend, only best friend... I should start thinking the same about him... I can't get any closer to him with my feelings...
I can't fall anymore for my best friend, he's just... my best friend.

Chan's frowning face meets his pillow as he checks his phone.
No new messages.
He sighs loudly.
as the next song is starts playing on the radio;

When I feel like I'm loving kissing and hugging
I think about you
When my heart starts to burn and I get that crazy and mean
I think about you
When that feel comes all over me it's true
I want to see nobody but you
When I need to satisfy me without revving
Oh yeah I think about you
I think about you.

Chan starts typing, and as he sees Bestie Noona typing, he stops.
the same happens to her, as she sees him typing, she stops.
until he sends her a message, at last.

Bestie Chan: A letter to Nooni~~~
I don't want you to feel upset, never ever, for being just a friend of mine.
you're the best girl-friend I've ever had, because I had none before I met you~
I never knew there are girls like you before I met you, because you care too much and you care like a mother, like a big sister, and you can be like Soonyoung hyung, and it's the greatest part~! That you can be anyone^^ Noona... there's a lot of sides in you that I'd like to discover when time will come, yet, I've already seen a lot of great sides in you~ you're funny, lovable, caring, so compassionate, you're understandable and understanding~ you're like the ideal girl any guy would want to have beside him, and I am so lucky I have you beside me as the best friend I've ever had! Don't tell Soon hyung, ah? He already knows how much I appreciate you! I wish we'd grow one beside another and see better sides in each other as time will pass.
I appreciate you, I love being around you so much, I wish I could tell you this instead of writing... I hate myself for being a coward- Noona~
Let's not spend our precious time on thoughts about each other's feelings, because I think only good things about you, and I know you think the same about me^^
Nooni-yah... time passes by so quickly, we know each other for a long time now, almost one year since we met.
Our sand keeps falling inside our hourglass, I want to spend my days around you.
thank you for being my best friend.
I really-really like you.
You're like the 13th month that doesn't exist, but in my heart, since I've met you, I keep on living in this 13th month with you.

Message sent.
Chan's heart couldn't calm, as his slanted eyes blinked and then stopped as she read the message.

Message read.
Bestie Noona is typing...

Bestie Noona: I really like you, too. Good night, Joong-Chan ah. <3

Chan stared at his phone screen as a wide smile was spreading all over his face, while his Noona lied on her bed, reading his letter, again and again.

I thought it'll be easy not to love you anymore, after I knew I was only your best friend,
but I saw it in your letter, "Let's not spend our precious time on thoughts about each other's feelings, because I think only good things about you, and I know you think the same about me^^"
Back to 2015, we knew only a few things about love, but we knew each other more than anything, for sure.
Out of all the pleasant feelings we had for each other, because of each other, I liked falling asleep with a smile on my unkissed young lips, while thinking about you. My best friend, Noona, My best friend, Chan.

I want to keep on living in this 13th month with you, as well.