[ITNOL #2] How Right It Is To Love You? (COMPLETED)

Chapter 28

#HRIITLYCrushed

A/N: Sorry for the grammatical errors and misspelled words. Thank you, enjoy reading!

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I have disappointed myself. Big time.

As much as I want to withdraw myself here in this hospital, hindi nila ako pina-discharge. They said I had to stay for a day here in this stupid institution. Wala rin naman akong ginagawa at gagawin dito e, they didn't left me some paperwork to do just to divert my longing for my daughter. Ang tanga-tanga lang. 

"Regine..." someone opened the door. "Para sa'yo. Kumain ka na." Pops was kind enough to open the said food that was wrapped on a styro. I thought they're going to let me eat whatever food they'll serve here in the hospital. 

"Ayoko." malamig kong sabi.

Pops put back the food on the table and held my hand as she utter these words. "You need to eat. You're going to be discharged this afternoon so that's why you need something just to make you much better." 

"Give me my child and I will feel the best." diin kong pagkakasabi. She shook her head. "Diba hindi niyo maibigay? I will never feel any better than this, Pops. Hindi ko kayang bumalik na sa dati. At kung babalik man, it will take time because this unbearable pain with me would probably last forever." 

"Kaya ayaw ka naming palabasin ng ospital e." she confessed. "Wala kami dun at malay ba naming maglalaslas ka na pala o magpapakamatay na. You're such a dangerous case, alam mo ba yun? We are still hesitant to let you out here. Dito, alam naming safe ka." 

"You've got to be kidding me." I cackled a laugh. "Sariling burol ng anak ko pinipigilan niyo ako? You never know how much it choked me to stay in here. Para akong nasasakal. Do you guys even care? Anong mga klaseng tao kayo? You're not humans either." mapait kong saad. 

I don't know where did my words came from that punches their egos and surely hurts like hell, hindi ko alam. My perspectives, my beliefs, my precautionary measures, my preventions, my cures, all of them were disabled at hindi ako makapagisip at makakilos ng paraan para i-cheer up ang sarili ko. If I am really sad, I really am. I think that's the reason why this grief can't leave me alone. Hinahayaan ko namang mamuhay ito sa sistema ko.

"Reg, doktor ka rin kaya alam mo kung ano tong mga pinagsasabi namin." she kept calm kahit na anytime pwede na siyang sumabog sa pakikipag-usap lang sa'kin.

"Yes, I'm a doctor and the stupid thing is that I couldn't even heal myself!" I was in the verge of crying. "I...can't do anything to ease this sadness within me because God knows that this pain is too much for me to bear but still he gave me this burden. Nakakainis kasi andami namang tao dyan pero bakit ako pa? Bakit ako pa na binigyan na nga niya ng pagkakataon para magkaayos kami and now I lost her...I lost Carla Regine. The fact that I was the reason why I lost her traumatized me so much, to the point that I don't wanna live anymore." 

"Stop saying that. You are definitely not doing suicide." Pops said through gritted teeth.

Hindi ako sumagot at dumungaw nalang sa bintana. The woman I just engaged on a hurtful talk earlier was left with no choice but to withdraw herself from my room. Iniwan niya lang ang pagkain sa lamesa at umalis na siya ng tuluyan. She never talked to me to say bye at naramdaman ko nalang na paalis na ito. She's giving me the me time that I want, and I guess she don't wanna talk to me for a moment.

Minabuti ko nalang na kunin ang padalang pagkain ni Pops at tinignan kung ano ang ulam na nasa loob. It was fried fish with chopsuey. But my tummy says no, it wanted something na masabaw at pampainit ng loob. She could've brought bulalo or sinigang instead, parang canteen food lang ata rin yun e. I ended up throwing it in the trash can beside my bed. I didn't even felt guilty by what I did.