[ITNOL #2] How Right It Is To Love You? (COMPLETED)

Chapter 29

#HRIITLYThePainContinues

A/N: Sorry for the grammatical errors and misspelled words. Thank you, enjoy reading!

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"For the sake of his sorrowful passion..."

"...have mercy on us and on the whole world."  

A group of senior citizens which are actually residents here on our village visited our house for a yearly novena. Dito muna mamamalagi umano ang imahe ng Divine Mercy for some few days. We are usually glad to have the said portrait on our house, it always been our source of hope and eternal happiness. Siya ang nagiging sandigan ko kung may pinagdadaanan man akong hindi mabuti.

But now, all I do is question him why.

Bakit niya kinuha sa'kin ang anak ko? Bakit kinuha niya sa'kin ang nagpapasaya sa'kin? Paano niya nagawang pagramutan ako sa bagay na iyon? Bakit hindi niya hinayaang mabuhay sa sinapupunan ko ang anak namin? Bakit...bakit niya ako pinapahirapan ng ganito? Nakikita ko na lamang ang sarili ko na nababalot ng poot, galit, at sakit. Hindi ko maiwasang magtanong sa Kanya, ano bang nagawa ko para parusahan niya ako ng ganito?

I was kneeling down but I chose to stand up. My husband squeezed my hand, signaling not to move and focus on the novena sa kadahilanang nakakahiya sa mga matatandang yun. Nabigla naman ang asawa ko na katabi ko ngayon at bakit ako tumayo at tuloy-tuloy na lumayo. Lumayo na lang ako sa imaheng iyon dahil ayokong magkasala. I just found myself in the bar counter, sitting down and looking at nowhere.

"Love, hindi pa tapos ang novena...balik muna tayo doon?" malumanay na sabi nito. "After that, you can do whatever you want."

"I want to end my life, will you let me?" bulalas ko. Yes, I'm pretty suicidal that's why my husband chose to stay with me throughout this depression I'm going into.

"Regine naman..." he caressed my back and held my hand. "Okay fine. Stay here. I'll manage them. Don't do anything that will harm you." he kissed my forehead before leaving me there.

Sa loob ng limang minuto ay nakabalik na ang asawa ko. He brought me some bread and eggs. It's still a bright morning out here and he guessed that I'm already getting hungry. Dapat nga ay may ngiti nang nakaukit dito sa mukha ko but I failed to smile and make him feel appreciated. I can't manage to smile.

"Thank you." ang tangi ko nalang nasabi.

"I love you." he kissed my forehead once more. "Iintindihin kita dahil mahal na mahal kita. Dito lang ako, hindi kita iiwan hanggang sa gumaling yang napakalalim na sugat sa puso mo."

With that, I cried. Again. Lost count how many times I did.

"Baba..." rivers flowed in my eyes and there was one thumb who gathered those tears. "Stop crying now, please? Alam ko masakit pero we have to move on and we have to accept everything. This will all pass. Trust in Him, Regine. And hold onto my love for you. Life never ends with our angel over there, she'll be watching us both. I know she will be."

Sniffing, sobbing, hitching breaths, I spoke. "I love you. So much. Help me. Help me move on and accept everything because I don't think I can fight this feeling all by myself..."

"I will. We will." he said with determination. He clasped his hands within mine and continued talking. "Just hang on okay? Malalampasan rin natin lahat to. Mahal na mahal kita, and that will never change."

"Regine?" I heard another voice coming from outside. Tumayo naman sa pagkakaupo ang asawa ko and opened the doors for that someone. It was Lea. "Hi, are you feeling okay?"