[ITNOL #2] How Right It Is To Love You? (COMPLETED)

Chapter 38

#HRIITLYHowCanI

A/N: So eyyy, another bonus one! Pretty similar to ITNOL diba? Hanapan chuchu rin yie charot, mahilig si author sa mga ganung plot chaka hahahaha. Saan naman kaya nagmula si Regine? Sino ba talaga siya? Sorry for the grammatical errors and misspelled words. Thank you, enjoy reading!

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"A-ano?" 

She sighed deeply. "I am not your mother, Regine." 

All my life, nararamdaman kong may kulang talaga sa buhay ko. I thought it was the grudge I'm holding through my parents, yung galit at poot kasi pinaparamdam nila sa'kin na hanggang ngayon ay isa pa rin akong pagkakamali sa mata nila kahit sa anong taas na ng posisyon na aking naabot. I thought it was my father's death, which I was blamed for it and still paying for that grievous sin that I made. I thought...that's it. Pero may mas malaki pa pala kaysa dun. 

"H-how...when? Where? Why?" hysterical kong tanong. "Paanong hindi kita naging ina? Paanong napadpad ako sa inyo? Sa anong rason at bakit kita naging ina sa haba-haba ng panahong to?" 

Iyak lang ang tanging naisagot niya.

"Sagutin mo ang tanong ko!" I shaked her up on that bed. Goddamnit, I don't care if she fucking lose that connection with that dextrose because this woman is a liar! She deprived me of having a good relationship with my family, became the driver of my own life and now she deprived me to my real mother? Ano? Kinidnap niya ako para maging anak niya? Ano pa bang paninira ang gagawin niya sa buong pagkatao ko? She doesn't have the right to hurt me all these years if hindi ko naman pala siya totoong ina! 

"Regine!" I saw Pops hurdling inside with three nurses. They groped my both arms interwining with each other to avoid my mom getting hurt. Chineck naman ni Pops kung may nangyari sa peke kong nanay. "What were you thinking!? Plano mo bang patayin ang nanay mo, ha?" 

My face is still on its rage mode, kaya nasinghalan ko siya kaagad. "At sinong nagsabing nanay ko yan? Isa siyang walang kuwentang tao na pinagkaitan ang isang batang babae na mamuhay nang wala sa piling ng kanyang totoong ina!"

"What are you saying..." 

"Bitawan niyo nga ako!" I struggled to free my hands on their tight grip but I failed. "Yes Pops. That woman is not my mother!" 

Napatulala siya sa mukha ng aking ina-inahan. She was still crying, hardly breathing and sulking. Her face was sorry and full of regret while catching up her breath. Halatang nahihirapan na ito sa paghinga at iyak. Halos hindi na namin naririnig ang mga hikbi nito. Pati si Pops ay naluha na rin sa sinapit naming dalawa. Me? I just glared at the stupid looking woman who fooled me for God knows how long, which I endured the pain living in their stupid house ravishing myself with their fucking rules. 

"Sagarin mo na. Hindi rin ba totoo na tatay ko ang namatay mong asawa, ha?" she pushed my button.

"No...a-at that instant, s-siya ang t-totoo mong tatay." nagawa niya pang sumagot sa kabipa ng mga tahimik niyang hikbi.

"Are you lying again?" I jested a laugh. "Fuck this life, I don't know what to or what not to believe because of you. Hindi ko alam kung maniniwala pa ba ako o hindi sa mga sinasabi mo. Nakakaputangina sa feeling, alam mo ba yun? Yung pakiramdam na nagdudusa ka sa mga kasalanang nagawa mo daw pero hindi naman pala ikaw ang gagawa nun kasi hindi ka naman totoong parte ng pamilyang yun...you know that, huh? You're being unfair. Unfair for almost 35 years of my existence."

"Regine, kailangan mong kumalma-"

"Why the hell should I? Give me one reason why should I calm down when this fucked up situation runs out the hell out of me." I hissed. "Pano ako kakalma kung ang mga taong dumidikta sa'kin e wala naman palang karapatan para diktahan ang isang katulad ko? Alam niya ba ang mga nararamdaman ko habang tinatapak-tapakan nila ako dahil sa isang pagkakamali ko? Hindi. And now, malalaman ko na lang na niloloko lang nila pala ako? Bullshit. How to calm down when this woman infront of us deserves what she is now? She deserves to die and rot in hell!" I sarcastically said. Galit na galit talaga ako at kung ano ano nang mga nasasabi ko sa harap nilang lahat.

"Sumusobra ka na Reg!" Pops also raised her voice at me.

"Sumusobra? Ni hindi pa nga tayo nangangalahati sa mga pasakit na dinulot niya sa'kin Pops!" I said. "I'm tired, I'm drained, I'm too full of my husband and my friend's secrets and now I'm fed by this kind of truth? Can't you guys give me a break? Dahil sobrang pagod na akong saluhin kayong lahat. Napapagod na akong malaman yung mga katotohanan tungkol sa mga buhay namin, pagod na pagod na pagod na akong makipaghabulan sa mga impormasyong iniisip ko ay dapat ko namang malaman. Can I just give up now?" I broke down, sat down on the floor as I cried so hard because of frustration. Binitawan naman nila ang mga braso ko at hinayaan akong umiyak at nakaupo sa sahig.

"H-hija...I'm so sorry you felt t-that w-way..." my 'mother' raised her voice a bit, just in order for me to hear what she was saying. 

"Sorry? Walang magagawa ang sorry mo sa sakit na dinulot ko sa haba-haba ng panahong nakasama kita." I blurted out.

"W-we just d-did that to protect you..."

Napaangat ako ng tingin. "Protect me? From what?" 

"You judged me like you knew what sacrifice your mom had gone through..." she cried. "Hindi mo alam kung anong hirap ang dinanas ng nanay mo para lang mabuhay ka, para lang magpatuloy ang buhay mo, para maisalba ka sa lahat ng nangyari dati..." 

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

Sasagot na sana siya nang biglang tumirik ang mga mata nito at gumalaw-galaw na parang sinasaniban. Pops was panicking and the three nurses behind me instantly moved as they try to normalize the patient in front of them. Pops was taking her CPRs and further heart testing and after 10 minutes, bumalik na sa normal ang lahat. They were busy catching their breaths, thinking that they could've lost the patient kung hindi nila naagapan kaagad.

"Regine, lumabas na tayo. You can talk about it tomorrow. Magpalamig ka muna. The patient underwent hypertension and almost got her blood into her brain, buti nalang ay andun tayo para maibsan iyon. It is not good for her to be stressed out. You need to respect also the patient." paalala niya sa'kin. "Kinakain ka na ng galit mo. You need to cool off."

"Cool off, cool off. Yeah right." I rolled my eyeballs. 

"So what now? After you've been bombarded by the truth?" she asked me.

As I stopped walking, I looked at her. "Hindi ko alam kung saan ko sisimulan ang paghahanap sa sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano tanggapin ang mga nangyari ngayong gabing to. Wala ako sa sarili kong kaisipan para umuwi ng bahay, I don't have the energy to put up a fight again with my husband after all I've gone through before I went here." 

"Akala ko ba you guys were lovey-dovey kanina nung tinawagan kita? Ano ba nangyari?" she put her hands in her big pockets of the hospital gown she's wearing.

"Lovey-dovey my ass. Ginagago na naman niya ako. Rivera and him actually. Something is so off between the two of them. They're hiding something from me." I vented out. 

"Putangina." napamura na lang siya.

"I know right?" I sighed. "Hindi ko alam Pops...bakit ganito? Bakit may mga nalalaman akong hindi ko kailanman nalaman? Sa lahat ng tao sa mundo, bakit ako? Is God really making fun of me? Ginagawa niya ba talaga akong laruan para paglaruan niya ako ng ganito? Does it make him feel good when someone is hurting in this world he made?" 

"Siguro Reg, this is just a trial from Him. Malay mo, nasa paligid lang pala yung sagot, hindi mo lang makita. Maybe destiny meant to say that you should open your eyes and your mind and start completing your life puzzle." she stated and continued walking.

"Pops..." a thought strucked onto me. "Perhaps...do you know something?"

"H-ha? W-wala, wala." pilit itong ngumiti at nagpatuloy ulit sa paglalakad. Strange.