P A S S C O D E | Bottom Namjoon Oneshots

Outro

WARNINGS/TAGS: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM

I remember the day you left.

Our wedding was only a month away, why couldn't you wait?

You told me "I love you Joonie"

You hugged me tight and kissed me like the world depended on it.

You said you was going to work, that you will be back before I know it.

But you never came home that day, or the next day, and the week after. I went crazy the whole week.

I cried for you, I cried my eyes out for you and you probably didn't care at all.

I filed a police report but you was no wear to be found, they said you didn't even exist.

I didn't believe that bullshit, you DID exist I showed them the picture of us, our messages and anything that would help and then the next day they told me the news.

"Mr. Kim? I'm sorry to say this but your fiance was reported dead this morning...he drowned, he was on a boat"

My heart dropped hearing that.

I shouted and screamed that day telling them that there was no way you could be dead.

I demanded them to let me see you, at least let me see the corpse but they said there was no evidence of the body, how the fuck could they not find a body, in the fucking water.

I was diagnosed with depression a month later.

Seokjin hyung, and Jungkook came almost everyday. Checking up on me, but I knew they was really making sure I didn't slit my wrist again.

Yeah, I did self harm

For some reason, some fucking reason I couldn't help thinking it was my fault.

I wasn't like myself for 5 months, 5. Months. I dropped out of college, got fired from my jobs and stayed inside our house for the whole 5 months. Didn't even visit my family, the only thing I did was cry over you.

Most of the nights I slept hugging a picture of us. The engagement ring was still on my finger.

I remember one time Seokjin hyng tried to convince me to take off the ring but I argued with him. I kicked him out that day, but then apologized the next, he said he understood.

It was then when it was Jungkooks graduation in college and I had to go I just had to. So I forced myself outside, I was so scared, I felt like everyone was looking at me.

I had to put make up on, to cover the bags under my eyes.

I wore long sleeves to cover up my wrist and arms. Even if it was 80°. There was only 4 or 5 marks, Jungkook made me stop. He cried so hard when he walked in on me about to do it again so I stopped for him.