The Real Me// fillie

Chapter 36

Enjoy this chapter while i'm at school :(

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They were both slow dancing swaying back and forth knowing they have unspoken feelings.

A new song began to play, secret love song by little mix.

Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't you kiss me on the dance floor?I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? cuz i'm yours

Why can't they both just admit their feeling to one another. 

We keep behind closed doors. Every time I see you, I die a little more. Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls. It'll never be enough

Those regular visits that Finn does just to hang out and see Millie it's not enough. Those hugs, his forehead kisses that he gives her all the time, it'll never be enough for both of them they need more.

It's obvious you're meant for me

Finn and Millie, Millie and Finn. They are meant for each other

Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly
Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep

Their feelings are way deeper than before, it's love

But I'll never show it on my face
But we know this, we got a love that is homeless

it's obvious the way they feel for one another why can't they just say it?

....Why can't it be like that?
'Cause I'm yours
Why can't I say that I'm in love?
I wanna shout it from the rooftops
I wish that it could be like that
Why can't we be like that?
'Cause I'm yours
Why can't we be like that
Wish we could be like that

why can't they be like that?  What's holding them back?

She smiled at the memory of them dancing, how close they were to one another but then that smiled faded when she realizes that she'll never have him.

She was packing up her stuff since it would be her last day sleeping there and tomorrow she will be back home just in time to practice the graduation walk down

Mia walks in her room with her breakfast setting it down.

"Do you need help?"

"No thanks, i'm almost done" she says as she folds another shirt.

"You know Millie i'm proud of you, you won the battle." she sighs "I'm going to miss you but i'm so happy that you're better now"

Millie smiles and her before giving her a hug "I'm going to miss you to Mia, but i'll visit you okay"

She build a bond with the nurse, she thought of her as her friend kinda like a cool mom type. Millie went back to packing while Mia went back to work.

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"So aren't you excited you get to back home" says Olivia. Millie was currently in her room talking with her.

"I mean yeah but i-" I'm scared" she says making Olivia look at her confused "What if it goes bad again? I'm finally starting to feel okay and what if once i go back everything comes crashing down." she breathes in "I'm not strong-"

"Relax. Millie you are the strongest person i know. You are going to do great okay Millie. You are strong" she nods as they both hug and just cherish the feeling since it was the last night that they would have spent together.

-

She's in her room, she can't seem to fall asleep. Going back to school and seeing everyone is making her nervous. She's scared, she may not show it but she is. She wants to be better but what if she isn't strong enough for that.

She gets up as she grabs her journal, she writes down her feelings and thoughts there to help clear her mind. She opens it as she reads through them but stops at a certain page

-Today was hard, it was so quiet in here and I hate myself when it's quiet.

-I just don't believe I deserve anything in life

She remembers the time when she was in her session with Dr. Brenner when she was actually starting to open up to him

"For me it's not a problem crying every night, or feeling to suicidal it's because I don't feel anything anymore i'm used to all of these feelings and i don't know how to stop, no one is helping me and don't know how to stop"

"I don't matter." she says softly

"You really believe that?" he says, she nods "You want to die?" she sighs looking anywhere but him "You're important.. so u want to die but I say keep living."

She sighs as she closes the journal putting it back in the drawer, she then closes her eyes in hopes that she will actually get some sleep but those voices are still there.

--

"Nobody saw me nobody looked me in the eye. I've never been good enough for i'll never be. I didn't fit in. I needed something to feel right and that felt right" she says. Starving herself felt like that was the only good thing she has ever done. Everything else was just worthless, like her. "I don't know what's next"

"And my friends-" she begins but is cut off by Dr. Brenner. She was currently having her last session with him.

"You don't know what's next all your friends are happy but your the one the only one who has an eating disorder, who has anxiety and you feel like you can't be loved because you have all these problems" Dr. Brenner says to her making her nod. He understands her, he really does.

"Why am I crying?" she asks as she wipes away a tear, she's so tired of crying.

"Sometimes crying is the way the eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart really is." says Brenner making her start sobbing. 

"Millie i'm- I didn't mean to make you cry" he is taken aback when she hugs him.

"Thank you for everything" she says. He has helped her, he understands her pain, he knows how she has truly felt. She's going to miss having someone to talk to but she is glad that she will be with her friends now.

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I honestly like actually liked this chapter soo yay to me. I probably liked it cuz i just write my emotions and yk relatable sooo

4 CHAPTERS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!

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ily

bye <3