I Know Who I Am Now

A lot to get used to.

Kylo showed Rey to her room. It was next to his at the very furthest point of the base, an area exclusively for the highest ranks.  Rey remained silent on their walk to the room.  She felt so vulnerable here and suddenly very aware of the darkly dressed man next to her.  Everywhere they walked troopers stood aside, bowing their heads.  Rey wondered what he had told them about her. 

She was very quiet, silent even.  Sorrow radiated from her.  He could only assume that she was missing her friends.  Never before had Kylo been put into such a situation.  He didn't know what to say to her so he said nothing.  When they reached the door to her room he keyed in numbers on the keypad and it swished open, revealing a clean, white room beyond.  Kylo stepped aside, gesturing with his hand for Rey to enter.  She walked in, avoiding his gaze and looked around.  Troopers had already delivered her bag and without another word she turned from Kylo and began to unpack. 

For a moment Kylo stood awkwardly in the doorway and then he left, promising himself that he would do all he could to make her happier.

As soon as he had gone the tears came.  Rey stood in the stark white room and cried.

An hour or more had passed when there was a knock on the door.  Rey who had been busy exploring the various cubby holes and drawers stopped abruptly, straightening up.  "Rey, will you join me for lunch?".  It was Bens voice and yet here he felt like Kylo Ren.  Rey opened the door, surprising Kylo who had his hand raised, ready to knock again.  "Will you join me?" He asked again.  Rey softened at the sight of his wide eyes and she nodded.

Kylo led her only next door to his room and Rey hesitated, surprised.  Sensing her surprise Kylo turned to her, "I thought we would eat in my private quarters".  Rey nodded, following him into the room.  Two droids were busy setting out bowls of food that Rey had never seen before and the smells which drifted up to her were wonderful.  Kylo signalled for her to sit opposite him and she slowly slid down onto the chair, her hands resting in her lap. When she looked up he was looking at her. She managed a small smile but then as she dropped her eyes she felt hot tears fill her eyes and run down her cheeks. Kylos eyes swept over her fixing on her eyes as they rose to him. He shifted in his seat, "It will get easier" he said finally. Rey nodded, her hand coming up to wipe the tears from her face. "You need to eat something" Kylo said softly as he began to spoon food onto his own plate. Rey nodded again, using the large serving spoons to pile the unknown foods onto her own plate.

They ate in silence for a while, both glancing at the other and then dropping their eyes as the other noticed them looking. Finally Rey set down her fork and looked at Kylo. He was still wearing his gloves, hurriedly shovelling food into his mouth. When his eyes finally lifted he found Rey watching him intently. "What?" He asked pausing to sip water from his glass. Rey shifted in her seat, "You said it will get easier? How do you know that?". For a moment Kylo didn't answer. He sipped his drink again and then set down the glass, leaning back in his seat, "I just know" he said finally. Rey nodded, used to his elusive and vague answers.

After they had finished lunch Kylo took Rey on a tour around the base. Although she hated the fact that he was dressed in his full Kylo Ren costume she was grateful that he had not put on the mask, that would have made this whole thing so much harder. Rey completed the tour as though she were in a trance.  The whole thing seemed surreal, as though she would wake at any moment.  After the tour Rey retreated to her room, desperate to be alone with her thoughts.  Kylo walked her to her door.  Rey's mind went back to her encounter with Poe back on Chandrilla.  She turned at her door and found Kylo looking at her, his breathing slightly increased, his eyes dropping, roaming momentarily over her body. Rey shifted, suddenly feeling exposed in her fitted white clothes and Kylos eyes came back to meet hers. When his eyes returned to hers they had that look in them again, like they had when he had put her in the escape pod. For a moment they stared into each other's eyes and then finally Kylo cleared his throat, "Dinner will be served at six. Come to my room just before. I have business to attend to now". Rey nodded and then slipped into her room. Where had she seen that look in a mans eyes before she thought as she closed the door. Poe. She had seen the same heavy lidded, dreamlike eyes when Poe had kissed her. Did it mean something that Kylo had that same look when she was close to her? Rey wasn't sure but she knew one thing, despite herself she hoped it meant something.