I Know Who I Am Now

Time with the Resistance.

When Ben woke the next morning he found the bed next to him empty.  He sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes and then pushed dark hair from his face.  The bathroom door was open and the room was silent.  A sudden panic that Rey had already left spurned Ben into action and he stumbled up.

Rey had woken early and had lain looking at Ben.  He had been facing her, his dark hair across the pillow, his eyes closed, long lashes touching his cheekbones, his lips a delicate shade of pink.  It was strange, she thought how they had come together.  She had hated him to start with but little by little she had taken off layers, discovered things about him and suddenly he had become a man not a monster.  Rey blushed as she remembered their kisses the previous night and how it had made her feel.  She took one last look at Ben and then slipped out of bed. 

Now back in her room and freshly showered and changed she heard a knock on the door.  Before she could get to it, it opened and Ben stood there, bare foot, his hair dishevelled.  "You're still here". He said, making Rey smile as she detected the relief in his voice.  Rey nodded, "I was going to have breakfast with you first, then go".  Suddenly embarrassed by his obvious show of affection towards her Ben muttered that he would shower and come back.  When the door had closed Rey smiled the biggest smile.

After breakfast Rey prepared her shuttle as Ben watched from the edge of the hanger.  When she was ready to go she came out to him and gently patted his chest, "I'll be back soon".  He nodded, trying to ignore the unease in the pit of his stomach.  Once Rey's shuttle had disappeared from sight Ben headed to the training room, desperate to stay busy.  How had he become so dependent on a girl he wondered?  But he knew the answer, this wasn't just any girl, this was his soul mate, the missing piece of him.  Just thinking like that made his stomach knot up and he quickly stripped off his top and ignited his blade.

Rey was tense.  Poes angry words had stayed with her and now, as Akan Kloss came into view Rey took a deep breath.

She landed in a clearing next to the base and closed her eyes, taking in breaths, readying herself for whatever was coming. As the door hissed down and the steam cleared she saw Leia and she ran to her, the two women hugging tightly and then pulling away to look at each other, tears in their eyes. "Rey" Leia said softly, embracing her again. "Rey!" Came Finns voice. She pulled away from Leia and Finn hugged her tightly, "Are you ok?" He asked as he pulled away from her and studied her face. Rey nodded, "I'm fine", Finns brow remained creased as he let his eyes roam over her, "You sure?  Did he hurt you?".  Rey laughed, pushing Finns hands from her waist, "No!  It's not like that anymore.  We're working together, that's why I'm here.  I have proposals and plans with me, ways we can make this work".  Leia smiled warmly at Rey, "Then let's get started.

Leia led Rey into a hanger and the two women sat down together at a long table.  Rey spread the proposals out in front of them and they worked through them one by one.  Soon they only had one more point to haggle over and as soon as that was agreed and signed on Leia leant back in her chair studying Rey as she spoke "You look well, happy".  Rey felt her face colour, "I am, I feel like we've made real progress here today".  Leia laughed softly "That's not why.  You're happy there with my son, aren't you?  Which means he's treating you well".  Rey turned to Leia, "Can I never keep anything from you?" , Leia laughed, squeezing Rey's hand before she became serious, "Is my son alright?".  Rey nodded, "He's wonderful.  He talks to me, tells me how he feels, he's completely Ben Solo now, Kylo Ren is gone.  But I don't think he'll come here Leia, I'm sorry".  Leia stood then ringing her hands.  Rey turned in her seat to face her, "Leia he told me about his childhood, how he felt no one would help him, how his parents called him a monster".  Leias eyes met Rey's "He heard that?".  Rey nodded and Leia hung her head, shaking it slowly, "Is it any wonder Ben doesn't want to see me?  What a mess I made of things.....".  Rey was about to answer when there was a knock at the door.  A moment later the door opened and Rose looked in.  Rey's stomach knotted at the sight of Rose as she remembered how things had been between them the last time they were together. "Rose, come in" Leia said dabbing at her eyes, "What can we help you with?".  Rose hesitated, her eyes flitting between Leia and Rey, "I, uh I wanted to talk to Rey".  Rey straightened in her seat, her eyes looking at Leia, awaiting her reaction.  Leia nodded, "Well we're all done here so I'll leave you ladies to it" she said as she gathered up the drawn up proposals and left the room.

When the door had closed Rose stood awkwardly wringing her hands "I, I wanted to speak to you,  Finn said he'd seen you, that you seemed happy".  Rey stood, coming to face Rose, "I am happy".  Rose nodded, her eyes dropping to her hands.  "I wanted to tell you how brave I thought you were, to go to him, to Kylo Ren, both times I mean".  Rey held up her hand, "He's Ben Solo now, Kylo Ren is gone.  He's trying to do what's right, he is doing what's right."  Rose nodded again, "And so are you Rey.  I'm sorry.  I know that all along you've just been trying to do the right thing".  Rey embraced Rose, "You love him, don't you?  Like I love Finn?" Rose said quietly.  Surprised Rey pulled away and studied Roses face, her eyes dropping to the floor before she answered, "Yes".

Before Rey left Chewie hugged her tightly, his big paw roughly brushing across her hair, pulling strands out of the ties and leaving messy tendrils around her face.  Finn hugged her again as did Rose but, although she saw Poe walking through the base, he kept his distance, only nodding his head once at her, not even a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Leia stopped Rey as she opened the door of her shuttle "Rey, thank you for today, these proposals give us a place to start from and they also give me hope, something we badly need  here I think".  Rey smiled and the two women embraced.  As Leia pulled away she spoke urgently to Rey, their eyes locking, "I have something which I would be grateful if you would give to my son".  "Of course" Rey said softly, watching as she opened her hand to reveal gold dice on a chain, "These were Han's lucky dice.  Ben loved them as a small boy.  I want him to have them".  Rey felt her eyes fill with tears at the memory of Han and she took them quickly, hugging Leia again before she made her way up the shuttles ramp.  "Rey!" Leia called.  Rey turned, her hand hovering over the door closer, "Look after my boy for me, make this part of his life good at least".  Rey smiled and nodded, "Don't worry, I will" she said as the door clanked shut.