I Know Who I Am Now

Pain.

Rey had been sat silently in front of Poe for some time, watching him intently as he stirred.  When they had got him back to the base Ben had helped Rey strap him into an interrogation chair.  Ben had watched her as they had worked together to secure his wrists and ankles.  Something in Rey had changed, just a subtle change but he didn't like it.  He had reached out and held her hand and had asked her to leave the prisoner to him.  He was used to this side of things after all, but she had refused and grudgingly he had left her alone waiting for the pilot to wake up.

Poes head lifted slowly, a groan escaping his lips.  His eyes fluttered and then settled on Rey, becoming wide as he remembered what had happened.  "Rey, loook I....".  Rey stood, her face cold.  She raised her hand to silence him.  "Shut up and listen.  You betrayed me, you betrayed all of us, you killed Leia!".  Poe leant forwards in the chair, "I didn't betray anyone,you did.!  You betrayed me, Finn, Rose, Leia and yourself when you became Kylo Rens...I don't even know what you are to him" Poe trailed off, his eyes dropping to the floor. Rey straightened, "He's helping us.." Rey began but Poe interjected fiercely, "No, he's helping himself! Don't be blind Rey! He's clearly wanted you all along, this way he gets you and he still gets to be in charge! The resistance are freedom fighters, we aren't free if he's involved!". Rey dropped her eyes. She hadn't thought of it from that point of view. For a moment she teetered, unsure of everything but then suddenly the image of Leias lifeless body came into her mind and she shook her head fiercely, "No. This was right. Leia thought it was right". Poe grunted in frustration, "Leia was blinded! He's her son! Surely you can see that whatever he did she would look at the situation in a different way!". Rey strode up to Poe then, her hands in fists at her side, "You killed her! Why, why would you leave her there to die?" Rey said, her voice breaking and tears pricking her eyes. Poe shook his head slowly, "I panicked, ok. My blaster went off, then everything happened at once. Chewie attacked me and Finn was screaming at me. I gave the order for them to be taken to the cells, I just couldn't think straight..." Tears fell down Rey's cheeks as she listened, "And Rose?" She asked. Poe raised his eyes to Rey's and she was surprised to see that they were full of tears, "Rose came out from the bushes screaming at me, calling me a murderer. I guess she'd been watching when we grabbed the others...". Rey made no move to comfort Poe as she watched the tears run down his face and instead she turned away. "So what's the answer?" Rey asked, her back still to Poe. She heard Poe sniff and she turned to look at him. "I honestly don't know. I can't live like this. You shouldn't be living like this, you're too good for him" Poe said quietly, his voice trailing off. Rey stepped closer, "Is this what this is Poe? Your ego?". Poe shook his head, "No...I...", "You What?" Rey asked, leaning in to him. Poe shook his head harder this time, causing fresh tears to spill from his eyes.

Rey hadn't wanted to hurt Poe but her patience with him was wearing thin, the loss of Leia at the forefront of her mind. She pushed her hand out, sending invisible tendrils into Poes head. He gasped, his eyes squeezing shut. She could feel him fighting her but she kept going, making him grunt with pain, his breath escaping in shaky gusts, sweat beading on his face.

His mind was full of her. The memory of their kiss, the way it had made him feel, how cheated he had felt when she had stopped him going any further. She carried on sorting through his mind and was surprised to find that he was sexually frustrated, it had been a long time since he had been with a woman. That surprised Rey but it also answered why he had been so upset when she had declined him. She saw jealousy about her and Bens connection and a simmering dark hate for him.

Poe was panting now, sweat and tears flowing down his face simultaneously as he struggled in the restraints. Rey pushed once more....

He wanted Ben dead! In Poes mind was a plan. He had been going to lure Ben to the resistance base and kill him!

Rey withdrew sharply and Poe cried out, his head leaning back against the restraint, moaning softly. It had undoubtedly been painful when Rey had withdrawn so suddenly but Rey didn't care. He was going to kill Ben? She stood next to Poe, shaking with anger. He had already taken one important person from her, he wasn't going to take another. With one last look at the stricken pilot Rey turned and left, the door hissing shut behind her.

She began to make her way towards her room. She needed to be alone. As she turned a corner, lost in her thoughts, she heard a roar and looked up to see Chewie, Finn and Rose headed towards her. Rey sighed. This was not what she needed right now. "Rey we need to talk, all of us" Finn said as they reached her. Rey nodded, "I'll fetch Ben..." Finn shook his head, "No, just us four".

Ever since Ben had left Rey with the pilot he had felt a heavy cloud over him. Was it just the death of his mother or was there something more? Rey had seemed so different, so dark. He had sat in his room thinking about all that had happened that day. This morning Rey had seemed as light as air, just as he had felt. Then his mother had died and they had shed tears together, she had begged him not to sacrifice himself, their joint sorrow had flowed and ebbed between them. But then she had seen the pilot and this wave of rage had flowed through her, unlike anything he had felt from her before, even during their fight on Starkiller Base. He too of course had wanted revenge on the pilot but he had wanted Rey more, had wanted this wonderful coexistence to continue, this world tgat wasn't consumed by suffering and pain. He had always known that Rey was like him, teetering between the light and dark and yet it had still shocked him.

Ben rose to his feet. The pilot had to be awake by now. It should be him in there with him, it wouldn't be the first time. No he thought sitting down again. He had to trust Rey if they were in all of this together.