I Know Who I Am Now

What now?

Kylo had stayed in his quarters for the remainder of the day, his wound aching mercilessly, his head thumping.  What now?  He had kept Rey safe but at what cost to himself?  He would have only fuelled Hux's contempt for him and shown his weakness for Rey to the world.  Hux was easy to solve, when the time was right he would kill him but his problems surrounding Rey were more complicated.    Could he kill her? If he couldn't kill her then how would he wipe out the resistance?  And his mother? There was only one option as far as he could see.  He would have to ask her to join him again, he had no choice.  His stomach flipped at the thought.  He had promised himself that he wouldn't ask again, unable to take another knock to his ego and yet things had shifted somehow.  He would find her and he would ask her, either through a force bond or face to face.

After Poe had walked away Leia had embraced Rey, her hand cupping the back of Rey's head tenderly.  Rey had cried, her mind torn, her options all so terrifying that she had broken down in the older woman's arms.  Either way there was a risk, if Ben turned he would never be accepted here and if he didn't she would loose him.  "Talk to him, he'll listen" Leia whispered as if reading Rey's mind.  Rey sniffed and pulled back from Leia, "I don't know how, our force bonds seem to have ended".  Leia smiled, "The Jedi texts.  Read them, they will tell you all you need to know".

That evening Rey sat in her bunk at the resistance base with the Jedi texts in her lap. She sighed, flexing her back and rubbing her eyes wearily, so far she'd found nothing.

Kylo lay in bed that night, his eyes wide open, staring into space. Would he ever feel peaceful? If Rey took his hand would she eventually get used to being here with him? Would she lie next to him? That thought alone was enough to inspire a surge of longing for her, his member becoming stiff at the thought of her next to him. He reached a hand under the sheets, touching the cool cotton and pretending for a moment that she was there, closing his eyes as he imagined her soft skin. How he wanted her he thought in frustration, leaning his head back and sighing. Maybe he thought, just maybe he would get her the next time he held out his hand.

"I've found it!" Rey chirped excitedly the next morning as she rushed into Leias room, surprising her and causing her to drop her stick. Rey mumbled her apologies, picking up the general's stick and sitting down cross legged on the floor, the Jedi texts in her lap. "What do you have?" Leia asked coming to stand over Rey. Rey turned the book to face Leia and tapped the page, "How to control force bonds, it's right here!"