I Know Who I Am Now

How is this meant to work?

Kylo had spent the afternoon drawing up new roles for the troops and workers of the First Order. He knew that soon he would have to include Rey in such discussions but for now he felt that it was more important that she settle in. At just after 5pm Kylo headed to his room, his mind full of Rey. Something about knowing that she was so close by caused his stomach to flutter and that same deep, lust filled desire to return. He needed her in that way so much that it scared him. In fact who was he kidding, he needed her in every way.

Kylo stripped off and stepped under the hot shower, feeling his shoulders relax. He leant his head back, wetting his hair, feeling the water drip off his lashes. He wiped his face and stood for a long moment thinking about how unhappy Rey had been since she arrived. That would change, at least he would do everything in his powers to make it change.

Rey was showering too, delighting in the hot water and sweet smelling shampoo. Her mind went to Kylo. He was probably right next door to her right now. The thought made her breath catch and her heart rate increase. Even as Kylo Ren she felt a strong physical attraction to him. She replayed, as she often did the moment she had seen him shirtless all that time ago. His body had been so wide, so alien to her and yet so inviting. The criss crossed scars had added to the attraction, his body a map of all that had happened to him. A male as she had always imaged they would look. Tall and muscular. Rey's hand momentarily slid down between her legs, he fingers feeling sticky wetness and then coming back up to her stomach. She had that feeling again. Something unfamiliar to her and yet pleasurable at the same time. She closed her eyes and attempted to steady her breathing. She had a meal with him to get through yet.

It was two minutes after six when Rey knocked on Kylos door.  She had dressed in new white clothes, choosing after a few moments deliberation a v-neck top which tied behind her back and fitted white cut off trousers.  She hadn't been able to understand the hair drier and so she had towel dried her hair and then left it hanging loose around her face. 

Kylo had been waiting, sat patiently, watching the droids lay the table.  A feeling in his stomach like something he'd never felt before.  His mouth felt dry and he clasped his hands together in his lap.  His breathing was ragged in the quiet of the room.  How did she affect him like this? 

The knock startled him from his thoughts and he rose, pausing by the door for a moment in an attempt to steady his breathing before opening it.  When he saw Rey he was stunned into silence.  Never had she looked so beautiful.  Rey too took in the man before her.  He was dressed down, cotton trousers with a black cotton top, this time short sleeved, showing off his muscular arms.  Finally Kylo stepped aside and Rey slipped past him, the space between them filled with electricity.  Kylo closed his eyes before closing the door and took a deep breath, how was he supposed to eat?

"You seem happier?" Kylo asked as they ate.  Rey thought for a moment.  She supposed she did feel happier.  She had come to the conclusion that anyone who made her feel the things that Kylo did had to make sense, it cemented in her mind that she was meant to be here, that it was what was best for everyone, including herself.  "I feel happier" Rey said simply and then she looked straight at Kylo, "Do you feel happier now I'm here?".  Kylos eyes snapped onto hers.  How was he meant to answer that?  If she even had one inkling of how intensely he wanted her then he felt sure she'd run a mile.  Kylo dropped his eyes to his plate, "I think you know the answer to that".   That answer took Rey aback a bit, not expecting such a soft answer from him and for a moment she watched as he ate, his eyes still fixed on the plate in front of him. 

They ate in silence for a while, their knives and forks scraping at the plates.  Finally Kylo set down his cutlery and leant back in his chair.  "Do you have everything you need?  In your quarters I mean".  Rey nodded and then stopped, remembering something that she had promised herself she would ask him for.  "Would it be possible for me to speak to my friends?".  Kylo sipped from his glass and thought for a moment, "We can broadcast a communication to them?".  Rey nodded slowly.  Kylo, sensing that there was more leant forwards.  Rey cleared her throat, "I, I was wondering if any of them could come here, I mean we need meetings, to be able to discuss things.  Leia will want...".  Rey didn't get to finish what she was saying.  Kylo sprung up from his seat, his finger flying into her face, "No.  My mother is not coming here.  I can't do that".  Rey moved away from him, startled by the fierceness of his reaction.  She stood, tears gleaming in her eyes, "Then how will this work?" She said bitterly, turning and heading to the door. She thought he might stop her but he didn't and she went back to her room with hot tears blurring her eyes.