I Know Who I Am Now

Contact.

Rey decided that she would wait until that evening before trying to open up a force bond.  She figured that before that Ben might be with others and unable to talk. 

Rey sat cross legged on the floor of her room and relaxed her body, letting her shoulders drop.  She cleared her mind and focused on her breathing and then she thought of him.  The Jedi texts had said that in order to connect with another you needed to build them in your mind.  She thought of his dark hair and the way that it sometimes fell over one eye.  She thought of the roughness of his chin and the smell of his skin.  She thought of his eyes which looked brown in some lights and green in others but were in actual fact equal measures of green and brown.  She thought of his chest, smooth with a scattering of scars, the most prominent the one that she gave him.  His hands, smooth and large, his fingertips hot against hers, and then his voice.  A delicious mixture of stern yet caring, strong yet gentle.  Rey sucked in her breath as a complete image of Ben danced before her eyes.  She focused on it and then moved towards it in her mind. 

Rey opened her eyes.  At first she thought that it hadn't worked but then suddenly she realised that she was not alone, she could hear the sound of someone breathing.

Kylo had been sleeping when a faint humming noise had entered his head. He had drifted between sleep and awake, his eye lids fluttering. He turned onto his side and sleepily opened his eyes. That was when he saw the movement next to his bed in the gloom of the room. His first thought was Hux and he sat up quickly, calling his light saber to him and igniting it, peering into the gloom, now illuminated by a red glow. Another movement and Kylo pushed up from the bed holding his saber out, his breathing heavy.

Suddenly Rey stepped out of the shadows, "Ben" she said softly. Kylos eyes became wide. For a moment he kept his saber ignited, his mind racing. Was she really here? Rey walked towards Kylo slowly, her hands raised. When she reached him she reached out and touched his hand that was still holding his ignited saber. Without thinking he deactivated it, his hand dropping from hers and hanging at his side.

Rey looked at him in the half light, taking in his disheveled appearance. He was dressed in black cotton trousers and a long sleeved black cotton top and his feet were bare. Curls of hair hung around his face, his eyes blinking quickly, clearly woken from sleep. "Ben I need to talk to you" Rey said softly. Kylos eyes swept over her face, "Did you do this?". Rey nodded. Kylo studied her a moment longer, "Our bond had been gone since Crait, I'd tried to find you but you were never there". As soon as Kylo had spoken he swallowed hard and dropped his eyes, clearly painfully aware of just how weak that statement had made him look. Rey shifted too. He'd been looking for her in the force?

Kylo sat on the edge of his bed watching her intently, his mind racing. Rey came and sat on the floor in front of him, her legs crossed, her back straight, her eyes on his. "What do you need to speak to me about?" Kylo asked softly. Rey shifted, "Why did you save me?". Kylos eyes dropped from hers and he studied his hands for a moment, flexing his fingers and then balling them into fists. "You know why" he said finally, his eyes on the floor. "You can't kill me Ben and I can't kill you. This war which is raging will destroy everything if it carries on and sooner or later we will face each other. I'm coming to you now to ask that you stop all of this. You don't belong there Ben". Kylos eyes met Rey's, "Then where do I belong?" He asked. Rey reached out and took his hands "With me, with your mother". Kylo pulled his hands back and stood up, "I can't". Rey stood too, watching as he paced up and down. " I wanted to talk to you too. But my proposition is different". He turned then, coming to stand close to Rey, "The only way that this war can end, the only way this can go is if you come to me, if you rule with me, then we can change things, make things right". Rey's face dropped and she stared at her hands solemnly. "Ben you know I can't do that. I have people I care about, I can't".  Kylo nodded slowly, "If you do not want me or accept my offer then the war will continue and when the time comes I will kill you".  Taken aback by the harshness of his tone Rey's eyes filled with tears.  Their eyes roamed over each other's faces and a tear slid down Rey's cheek as she spoke, "I do want you, I want Ben".  That was the last thing Kylo heard before the bond broke and he was left alone in his room.