I Know Who I Am Now

Why?

"So that's why I think we are best to leave things between us" Rey said softly.  Poe was sat staring at his hands and suddenly he jumped to his feet his face dark "So you think that we won't have time for a relationship?  Really Rey? Considering the life you had on Jaku I'd have thought that you'd be more than interested in a relationship with someone who you get on well with, but clearly I'm not the one to make you see that!"  Rey stood up too, her hands held up in mock surrender "Look Poe you're clearly more experienced than me, I just think...". Poe stopped her abruptly "Ok who is it?"  Rey's brow furrowed, "What?", "Oh come on Rey.  I know how it felt when we kissed.  You wanted it, you wanted me.  So for you to make such a dramatic u-turn it means you're interested in someone else".  Rey shook her head but Poe spun on his heel holding his hand up in her face, "You know what, forget it Rey, tell it to someone who cares".

Left alone now Rey felt tears pricking her eyes.  She had lost two friends in one morning and all because of him, the Supreme Leader of the first order. What on earth was she going to do?

Rey found Leia sat in her room with her eyes closed and for a moment she just stared at the older woman half wondering if she should just leave.  Another moment passed and Rey turned almost too quickly, walking into the doorframe.  "Rey? What's the matter?" Came Leias soft voice.  Rey stopped and turned, her hands twisting together, suddenly unsure of where to start.  "Come in and close the door" Leia said motioning for Rey to join her on the edge of the wooden bed where she sat.

Rey sat down and smiled at Leia, pleased to see a friendly face.  "Tell me Rey, what's bothering you?".  Rey sighed deeply.  "I, I don't know how I'm supposed to act, I don't understand my place in this story, or any of my feelings".  Leia nodded, taking Rey's hands in hers, "Poe didn't seem very happy.  Did something happen between you two?".  Rey nodded wishing it was that simple, "We kissed but I stopped it.  I, I couldn't do that".  Leia nodded again, "Because of Ben?", Rey felt tears fill her eyes at the mention of his name and she hastily wiped at her eyes before answering "Yes.  I know it's crazy but it felt so wrong to kiss another man.  Well I mean it felt really nice, but wrong at the same time".  Leia laughed, "Dear child what you're describing is a case of your body wanting one thing and your mind wanting another, it happens.  But this thing with Ben, he has to be the one who decides to change, you can't change his life or bring him to you, only he can do that.  Have you seen him through force bonds since we've been here?".  Rey shook her head as another tear slid down her cheek.  "Rose hates me now she knows how I feel about Ben and I've managed to drive Poe away too but I can't stop thinking about him, about everything he said to me.  Leia I miss him". In saying that Rey hung her head and a sob escaped her lips.  The older woman embraced her "I feel so alone" Rey sobbed and in that moment her heart ached to hear his voice in her ear saying "You're not alone" like he did when they touched hands.

"Supreme Leader I wish to begin attempting to track the resistance.  My new cannons construction is underway and I believe that we are now in a position to begin working out our next move" Hux said as he stood before Kylo Ren with his hands clasped in front of him.  Kylo nodded wearily behind his mask.  He just felt so exhausted, it was taking everything in him to listen to the Generals thoughts and respond to them "Where do you propose to start looking general?".  Hux straightened and cleared his throat  "We will start at the outer rim and work inwards.  I have also appointed the services of a bounty hunter, a shape shifter who will be able to infiltrate their base".  Kylo considered this for a moment and closed his eyes under his mask as he tried to work out just how many planets there were between the outer rim and Chandrilla.  Not enough.  It would only be a matter of time before either their troops or the bounty hunter found them.  Suddenly Kylo realised that Hux was staring at him awaiting a response.  "Well done General, keep me informed of progress" Kylo said as he turned swiftly on his heel and left to oversee the training of the troops.  There was a storm heading towards Rey and although Kylo tried to block it out, deep down he knew exactly why that fact frightened him so much.