I Know Who I Am Now

Down to business.

When Rey awoke the next morning Kylo was gone. She reached her hand out, her fingers smoothing across the cool sheets where he had lain the night before and thought of him. He hadn't been Kylo last night, he'd been Ben. She rolled onto her back. He had seemed so vulnerable. She had sensed his immeasurable loneliness and tiredness. And then there was their kiss. Rey closed her eyes, feeling her body respond at the memory. He had shuddered as their lips touched and she had heard his breathing afterwards, shallow and harsh, much like Poes had been. Poe had said that it had felt amazing when they kissed and that he had wanted things to go further. Had Ben felt like that last night?

Kylo had awoken at just before 5am. For a moment he felt confused, where was he? A movement next to him and he turned his head quickly. Rey was there, facing away from him, her hair fanned out over her pillow. He stared at the back of her head remembering their kiss. He remembered how a feeling like electricity had rushed through his body at the contact, how hard he had become from just that simple action, luckily it had been dark so Rey hadn't noticed. Hard again at the memory Kylo had slipped out of bed and crept to the door, turning once to look at the beauty that was Rey before he headed back to his room.

Now it was 9.30 am and Kylo was washed and dressed.  A knock at his door and he turned quickly.  The door opened and Rey stood there, a slight colour creeping across her cheeks as their eyes met.  "Morning" Rey said softly.  Kylo, who wasn't used to swapping pleasantries in the morning stumbled on his words as he spoke, "Good, good morning, how, Uh how did you sleep?".  Rey allowed herself a small smile as she answered, mischief dancing in her eyes, "Ok the first half of the night but better the second half".  It was Kylos turn to blush now, the corners of his mouth curling upwards ever so slightly.  Rey smiled fully at him as she came into the room and shut the door behind her.  "So where shall we start with all of this?" Rey asked, perching on the end of his bed.  Kylo eyed her for a moment, fighting the urge to go and sit next to her.  "I think that we need to make radio contact with the resistance, discuss terms with them".  Rey smiled broadly again, delighted at the thought of speaking to her friends.  "Shall we eat first?  I'm starving."  Rey said lightly.  Kylo never usually bothered with breakfast but any excuse to put off speaking to the resistance seemed very appealing that morning.  Kylo nodded, "We will visit the canteen".  He pulled on his gloves and then reached down for his helmet.  Rey was quicker though.  Her hand grabbed his and she looked in his eyes, "Leave it Ben, you don't need it".  He hesitated and then nodded once, pulling his hand back and then gesturing to the door, "Shall we?"

Down on the bridge Kylo instructed one of the officers to patch them through to the resistance.  Rey stood by, her heart thumping wildly, unsure of what sort of reception she would get from her friends back home and yet excited to hear familiar voices again.  Kylo was tense too.  Terrified of how he would react if he heard his mother's voice.  He had no mask to hide behind now. 

Static and then Poes voice, hard and strong, "This is Poe Dameron of the resistance, who's this?"  Rey glanced back at Kylo who was staring blankly ahead.  "Poe?  It's Rey".  A pause and then Poes voice again, "Rey?  Are you ok?  Has he hurt you?".  Rey cringed and glanced back at Ben who was staring at his boot, his face taught and angry.  "No, no of course not.  I'm fine.  How are things there?".  Static.... "Things are great here, just great".  Rey hesitated, reeling from Poes sarcasm and she glanced at Kylo who was now standing closer to her, biting the inside of his mouth, his hands in fists.  "Poe, please, I did what was right for us..", "No Rey you did what was right for you.  You abandoned us for him". Tears filled Rey's eyes and she held the com link away from her, her finger lifting from the button.

Kylo had wanted to grab the com link from Rey and scream curses at the pilot for talking to her like that and yet he had stopped himself, mainly because he didn't want to cause more problems and also because he didn't want to scupper their chances of making this work. But now, seeing Rey's distress and watching her tears fall he gently took it from her hand, looking in her eyes as he did. "This is.." he hesitated, his eyes travelling first to look around at the officers and then at Rey "this is Ben Solo. We wish to discuss moving forwards". Rey reached out and intwined her little finger with his as his hand hung by his side. It was a small gesture and hidden from the others in the room but it was all Ben needed. "You might have got her but she'll see through you, I know how your mind works, I've met monsters like you a thousand times in every hole in the galaxy...." Poe ranted. Kylo waited his turn and then answered, his voice cold and calm, "I know how your mind works too. I've seen inside it remember. You think that you're the best at everything, so arrogant that you are unable to see anything but your triumphs. But this isn't about you this time and you hate it. You're sat back at base with nothing to blow up and no way to prove yourself and it's driving you mad. We are trying to sort this thing out and all you can do is shout at Rey for abandoning you. But it's not about you. It's about everyone. So shut up and put someone on the line who we can talk terms with".  Ben glanced at Rey and found her eyes fixed on him, wide and shining with tears.

Rey had listened to him defending her whilst using his birth name and her heart had swelled.  When he looked at her it was all she could do not to grab him and kiss him.

"Ben?"

Leias voice hung in the air and Reys eyes widened as she watched Bens reaction as if in slow motion.  He reacted as though he had been stung, the com link falling from his hand, stumbling backwards, straight into one of the officers.  Rey had grabbed the com link before it hit the floor and had looked back up just in time to see Ben disappear through the door.