I Know Who I Am Now

A division.

Ben held Rey until she fell asleep and then he carefully got up and slipped out of the door.  He needed to resolve this, for Rey's sake.  He made his way to the interrogation room and keyed the code into the pad next to the door.  It beeped loudly and then whooshed open.

The pilots head lifted quickly and Ben saw fear cross his face as he realised who it was.  "You know I should kill you" Ben said as the door closed behind him.  Poes face was cold and defiant, "I did what I had to do, this won't work" he spat back at Ben.  Ben bit the inside of his mouth, "And my mother?".  Poes eyes dropped to the floor, "That was a mistake" he said quietly.  Ben sat down in front of him thinking.  "I only have two options as far as I can see.  Kill you and carry on as we were or keep you alive and locked up.  You can't be trusted, we can't trust you".  Poes eyes burned with fury, "Why do you get to decide my fate?  How did this all happen?  You brainwashed Rey and you brainwashed Leia....".  Bens hand shot out, pushing Poes head forcably against the chair.  Poe cried out but Ben pushed into his mind.  He didn't really care what the pilot had inside his head, he just wanted to hurt him.

As Ben sorted through his memories he found Rey.  He paused there, delving deeper, ignoring the pilots cries of pain.  Ben stopped suddenly on one memory.  He had kissed Rey, she had kissed him, he had wanted to take her.  Ben withdrew roughly, his heart thumping, his previous plan to resolve the situation temporarily forgotten.  Poe moaned, flexing against the restraints and Ben sat down heavily.  Poe watched him for a moment and then a smile slid across his face as he realised what Ben had found out.  "Yes, she kissed me.  She wanted me too, I could feel it by the way her tongue pushed into my mouth.  Sorry, I guess you thought you were the first huh?".  Rage coursed through Bens body, that old feeling of betrayal, something that had all but disappeared since Rey had been with him came back to him and he drew his saber.  Poe flinched as the glowing blade came close to his face.  Ben shook from the effort it took not to kill him.  Instead he lowered the cross guard onto Poes neck, making him scream with pain, his flesh burning.

Rey woke and looked around, Ben was gone and the room was quiet.  She sat up and rubbed her face.  What a mess she thought wearily.  It felt that they were more divided than ever.  Suddenly the door opened and Ben came in, but it didn't look like Ben, it looked like Kylo Ren.  His face was cold, his dark hair tousled.  "Ben?" Rey said softly, her brow creasing.  For a moment he didn't speak and then his eyes met hers, "This isn't going to work Rey" he said simply, his voice emotionless.  "I know I felt like that but now I've rested I feel fresher, we can do this Ben, we need to make a decision about Poes fate and try to build bridges...".  Ben shook his head and stepped closer to her, "I mean us Rey, this union, it's not going to work".  Rey stood up, her eyes wide with surprise, "Ben?  Why are you saying this?".  Ben swallowed hard and then he looked at her, tears already pricking his eyes, "I looked inside the pilots mind.  I saw you and him".  Rey's own eyes filled with tears then and she reached out for Bens hand but he snatched it away, "Ben that was nothing, he kissed me, I stopped it" Rey said, hating the way she sounded but carrying on anyway, desperate for Ben to believe her.  Ben shook his head, turning away as a tear slid down his cheek.  "Ben why does that even matter? I mean...".  Ben turned quickly his face cold, "I thought you were mine!  All of this time, through every force bond, every meeting, every fight I thought that you were mine!" He screamed.  Rey tried to take his hands again but he moved away from her, "Ben I was yours!  But we were enemies! I didn't think we could be together.  I was trying to forget you!".  Ben shook his head and another tear streaked down his cheek, "Forget me?  Do you know how long I've wanted you?  Have you any idea how I suffered waiting for you?  No, no you need to leave Rey, you and your friends you need to go, take the pilot with you" Ben said, fresh tears spilling as he spoke.  Rey began to cry miserably then and she sunk down onto the bed, her hands covering her eyes.  Ben made no move to comfort her, he went and stood with his back to her, sniffing occasionally but never looking at her. 

"So what does this mean?" Rey asked finally, her hands swiping at her tears.  Bens tongue wetted his lips, tasting salty tears there.  He turned to her, making no move to wipe the wet proof of his pain from his face , "Things go back to how they were.  You're resistance and I'm first order, we're enemies".  Rey stared at him, her head shaking, unbelieving.  When he didn't speak again Rey pushed past him, "If that's how it is then I'll leave now.  Don't worry Ben, I'll make no move to contact you again through the force" Rey said bitterly and then with one last moment of eye contact she left and Ben was alone.