I Know Who I Am Now

A late night visitor.

When Rey had got back to her room she had lain on her bed and cried.  She was a fool to come here so willingly.  How would this work if he wouldn't even entertain seeing his mother again.  Her heart ached as she thought of her friends, more tears coming as she thought of her last moments with Finn.  Eventually she had cried herself to sleep. 

Kylo had regretted his actions straight away and after she had left he had taken his frustrations out on the dishes, breaking them and then screaming at the droids to clear them up.  He hated acting like this.  This version of himself wouldn't earn her trust, it would just push her away, back to the resistance and then this whole deal would fall apart.  That thought alone sent shudders of fear through his body,  if that happened he would loose her.  But the thought of his mother coming here frightened him in equal measures.  He sat down on the edge of the bed and closed his eyes, Rey was right, how would this work? 

It was just after 2am when Rey was woken by a noise at her door.  She sat up with wide eyes, her heart thumping in her chest.  Slowly she reached out her hand and called the lightsaber to her, igniting it as the door opened.  The figure in the doorway stopped, "Rey".  It was Kylo dressed down in what appeared to be black cotton pyjamas.  Rey let out her breath and deactivated her saber.  "Ben it's the middle of the night" she said groggily.  Kylo closed the door behind him and then came and stood by her bed.  It was dark in the room but Rey could see that he looked emotional.  More emotional than she had ever seen him, his eyes shiny and wide.  She pulled the covers around her, suddenly remembering that she only wore cotton panties and a white vest top. "What's wrong?" She asked. For a moment Kylo didn't speak and then he swallowed hard, his eyes falling to the floor. "You asked me how I knew things would get easier for you?". Rey nodded and Kylos eyes rose to meet hers, "When I first came here I remember how I felt. I felt like I was drowning but I pushed it away, carried on and it got easier". Rey's eyes roamed over his face, unsure of where he was going with this. Kylo continued "You asked me once why I killed my father. I killed him for the same reason I stayed here, for the same reason I pushed my doubts away, I thought I had to, to survive, I had nowhere else to go. But you Rey, you don't have to be here, you don't". Rey sat up straighter on the bed, her eyes wide, "Ben I want to be. I want to be here with the man that's stood in front of me now". Kylo hesitated, his eyes becoming glassy again in the faint light, "My mother, I'm not sure I can do that..". Rey knelt now no longer caring how she was dressed, "I can deal with your mother until you feel that you'd like to see her". Rey reached out her hands to him and he hesitated before coming to the bed and taking them.

Rey's hands were warm and soft. Kylo couldn't help his eyes sweeping across and down over her smooth throat and shoulders and the gentle swell of her breasts. Rey looked at him too in that moment. He had been willing to allow her to leave if it made her happy and she loved him for that. She pulled a hand away and patted the bed next to her.  He hesitated and then sat down, his eyes dropping to the floor.  Their two hands linked by their fingers they sat quietly.  Rey squeezed his hand and he looked at her, their eyes dancing with one another's and then slowly Rey leaned into him, pressing her lips to his.

Kylo wasn't ready for Rey's bold action.  Her lips touched his so tenderly that for a moment he didn't close his eyes, barely able to believe what was happening, but then as she pressed harder to him his eyes fluttered shut.

Rey felt him shudder at the contact.  As she kissed him she thought of Poe.  This kiss felt different.  Bens shudder and tender response told her that he was far less experienced than the pilot, maybe even less experienced than her.

Finally they pulled apart, studying each other's faces in the darkness of the room.  Rey's hand came up and held Kylos cheek as she had on Chandrilla and, just as he did then, he snuggled against it, his eyes closing.  Rey's other hand pushed the hair from his forehead.  "I'm so tired Rey" Kylo said suddenly as his eyes opened to look at her. "Come here" Rey said softly, holding out her hand to him.  He took it and allowed Rey to pull him so they were both snuggled under the covers facing each other.  She slid her arm over his waist and he did the same, their eyes fixed on each others. 

For a moment Rey thought he might kiss her as his eyes dropped to her lips but then he closed his eyes and lay still.  Rey watched him, taking the opportunity to memorise his features.  The dark eyelashes, the soft lips, the way his dark hair slightly curled as it fell over his eyes.  Finally Kylos breathing became steady and slow.  He was sleeping.