Winter's Faith | Ongoing

34 | Fate

Today,
I will not stress over things,
I cannot control.

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I tossed and turned in my bed but sleep refused to come.

Loneliness was my biggest enemy at night.

It always felt like the darkness was creeping up on me from every side and I couldn't breath.

But today felt a little different. Today, I felt as though I had a burden on my chest that I needed to get off.

None of my brothers were home, because I had forced them to get back to their work. But now I wanted someone.

On days like these, I had Jake and - for the past couple of months - Roman to get my mind off stuff.

When I knew sleep wasn't coming, I gave up trying.

Getting out of bed, I grabbed the car keys,  and skilfully climbed out the window.

Manuvering the car, I drove to the one place I knew I could find sanctuary. And how ironic was it - a cemetery was providing me a safe place from the dark.

I parked the car, and walked down the familiar path until I found the gravestone that I was looking for.

      Amelia Hope Morris.
Loving wife and mother.
You will be missed.

"Hey mom," I smiled, settling on the ground beside the stone. "It's been long, hasn't it?"

After a moment, I looked at the sky and chuckled. "I would be in so much trouble, if anyone finds out I'm not at home." Looking back to the stone, my face dropped. "But it's gets really lonely mom."

"Sky and Arden didn't want to go but they have a life. And Heath was going in late everyday, and I don't want him to lose his job," I continued, as I pulled on the grass that was growing there, ashamed for being weak. "I don't want anyone to be in problem because of me."

Letting out a breath, I wiped some tears that had escaped. "And Jake," I said. "Jake hasn't called at all. And I miss him mom. And there are days when I debate whether I should tell him the truth, or not."

I frowned at the stone. "But mom does Sky deserve that? Is it fair to him, to have someone by his side only after finding the truth? Why couldn't Jake have the slightest bit of faith in Sky?" I asked in anguish.

"Miley hates him for that. And maybe, some part of me as well. Maybe, that's the reason I don't want to tell him the truth. Maybe, he just doesn't deserve it," I rambled, feeling nice to let it off my chest.

After a while, I spoke again. "Remember the first time I told you about Roman? Remember how scared I was."

It felt like yesterday, I was here, telling mom about hitting him with my car. So much had changed in these past months.

"And then something changed," I breathed, as Roman's eyes flashed before my eyes. His sly smirk; that irritated glance.

"Somewhere along the way, he became a friend; a confident."

I didn't stop the tears from flowing, because I had been trying to keep it in for so long, that I had to let it out.

"Why did he do this mom? Why did he leave me?" I ranted in the silence. "Why didn't he stay to hear my part? Why does him, not being around, feels like a gap in my heart?"

My voice cracked. "Does he miss me? Does he hate me?"

I wanted the pain to go away. Because with each passing day, it was becoming unbearable.

Shaking my head, I rested my chin on my knees, as I drew my legs closer to my chest. "But I can't blame myself for that mom. I can't blame myself for anything that happened."

"For so long, I have blamed myself for your death. And so did dad. And I've taken every ounce of hate he had thrown my way."

I had endured the pain of losing both my parents in one day.

The glances full of venom, because I'm the reason mom was gone.

Every holiday spent without dad, because he can't tolerate my presence.

He never hit me. He said a single word to me directly. He just started pretending I didn't exist, until he finally forgot about me.

I wiped the tears away, and looked at the stone with a sad smile. "But mom, there is a silver lining to everything that has been going on."

I paused, and then started again as I found the right words. "I realized just how circumstantial life is. Everything happens in life for a reason."

"I never meant for Roman to be a part of my life."

But he did.

"Sky was never suppose to be on road that night."

He was suppose to be at his friend's house for a project.

"Roman was never meant to meet Sky."

Roman wouldn't even have known Sky, if it wasn't for the accident.

"You weren't suppose to be taken away from me."

No one could've predicted that the truck will run out of fuel and stop in the middle of the road.

"And there was nothing I could've done to change it. It was an accident. No one could take fault for it. No one is ever solely responsible for it."

Caressing the stone, I said, "An accident is just a series of circumstances that led to a mistake, and there's nothing anyone could do about it. Just learn from it."

"I may never have Roman, and I may be alone right now, but mom - I'm free from the burden I carried with me," I stated.

"And if can hear me, please help Sky and Roman be freed from this burden as well."

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This one was a hard chapter to write.
But one of the most important ones.
Because understanding the route of the misery, in the first step towards healing.

Faith will be fine soon.
But the question remains - what does the future hold for Roman and Faith?

Hope you liked the chapter.
Don't forget to vote and comment.
Until next time lovelies. :"D