SCPs but they're explained by an idiot

SCP-038

TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA LADS AND LASSES

Back at it again with that.....SCP chapter

that's one month late

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: 038 is to be watered. Twice a day. Because it's a plant, dummy.

One question, though. What or who is a 'overhead mister'? I feel like an idiot for asking, but hey, we're all idiots here.

Fun fact: Attendants watering 038 should avoid touching 038 directly, to prevent cloning.

Just imagine, a random guy accidentally touches 038, and BOOM, a clone of that guy appears.

What would they do with that clone? 

Much to think about.

Description: 038 was found in an abandoned farm somewhere, out there, but it became rather clear that 038 grew more than just apples, or pears, or things that are actually fruit, for that matter.

038 has the ability to clone ANY object (Living or non-living) that touches it's bark.  Objects begin growing almost instantly, and reach maturity in a matter of minutes.

This is the best part, honestly. To date, 038 has cloned the following:

-Apples

-Oranges

-Watermelons

-Eggplants

-Candy Bars

-Snack Foods (There's a reason, just bear with me here)

-TVs

-Toasters

-Laptops

-Keys (Well obviously some poor bloke lost his keys, give him a break)

-Chairs

-Wine

-DVDs

-CDs (Who even uses those anymore?)

-Cats

-Dogs

-People (What happened to ethics, guys? Oh yeah, I forgot, you left them at the door.)

Human and animal cloning is uh, not recommended. Duh. Apparently they live for an average of two (2) weeks. Just like that sheep that those other scientists cloned.

(Actually, that sheep lived for seven (7) years)

I'm just going to sum up all four addendums: Dr.Klein says not to be an idiot and to NOT clone animals, or people, or personal items, or movies/music, or things from the vending machines.

I know a lot of people who would do it anyway, just saying.

Document #338-1: "I would like to remind all personnel that SCP-038 is not, I repeat, not a toy. It should not be used for cloning car keys, movies, music, or items from the vending machines. If this behavior continues I will be forced to limit access to SCP-038."

- Dr. Klein

Document #388-2: News alert! 038 can clone SCP-500! Kinda! Not really...

SCP-038 partial testing log but it's cataloged the way I read it

Date: 11/08/XX

Intent: Is there a mass limit? Lets find out! What could go wrong?

Summary of test results: A 400(Four hundred) pound steel ingot made contact with 038. Long story short, it began to grow, but then it stopped. Wow. What a surprise. When detached from 038, it was found to have weighed 90.91 kilograms, or almost 200(Two hundred) pounds.

why is the 'almost' part the only part that's annoying me? 

It either IS, or ISN'T, gosh darn it.

Date: 11/08/XX

Intent: Can you clone a living thing that isn't made out of living things?  (Read: To clone SCP-173)

Summary of test results: Long story extremely short: we tried to clone 173, we failed, and now we have no idea what to do with half of 173.

Note: Yeah, sorry for the whole 'no christmas chapter' thing.

Merry late Christmas to all, 

Hitler is dead.

Note: In the Wiki, 038 is called the 'The Everything Tree', and the fact that it's not called 'The Giving Tree' is a sin in the eyes of god.