SCPs but they're explained by an idiot

SCP-090

It's a Rubik's Cube, but way cooler, Saul

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Artifact is to be held in some bunker at Site {REDACTED} and constantly stared at by some D-Class.

 Every time 090 shifts, take note of it, it's probably important.

Description: We found 090 in a cathedral. 

You know what happens in a cathedral? Praying.

And what was found in the cathedral? An anomalous Rubik's Cube.

They were worshiping a Rubik's Cube, I knew it.

Church of the Broken God who? We got the Church of the.......weird Rubik's Cube.

Here's a fun drinking game: Every time I say 'Rubik's Cube', take a shot. You won't regret it guys. 

(I mean, your liver will.)  

Also there were six monks and a priest at that cathedral, so they're dead now.

That's what you get for being faithful to a resurrecting jew, guys. 

YOU DIE.

(Wait, no, f*ck, I lost my train of thought)

Oh yeah, 090 is a ceramic cube, I guess. Also, it's indestructible.

Try solving that, Saul.

"Each side is divided into ten thousand individual squares in arrangement similar to a Rubik's cube [100 segments per edge, each segment 2mm wide]."

It's just...a really, really complicated Rubik's Cube.

I tried looking for an image of a ten thousand square Rubik's Cube, but apparently all the internet can show me is a 17x17x17 cube. 

Person: A 17x17x17 Rubik's Cube is the most difficult cube to solve! (Without AI)

SCP-090:

Yo, is that a Jojo reference?

Every 2.8 seconds, a row/column rotates. The etchings on the squares (Yes, there are etchings) are divided by a thin white line....unless they're aligned correctly.

Right now, there are 22 correct alignments on the oversized Rubik's Cube.

If the Cube were to complete itself, then it's been theorized to..........end the world. Or, at the very least, to cause a REALLY big disaster.

Actually, don't solve this one, Saul. Your skills are needed elsewhere.

Addendum: AXA Security Personnel should probably see Document 090-B.

Document 090-A:  Dr. {REDACTED}  Experiment Notes

Experiment 0012: Observation's pretty okay. We've developed a system to record and analyze the shifts in the Rubik's Cube almost as quickly as they occur. There is currently no correlation between shifts and real-world events.

Experiment 0048: A six segment alignment happened today on the 1st side. It was noted and passed without incident. 

...And then there was a tsunami in the Indian Ocean*.

But there couldn't possibly be a correlation.

Experiment 0150: After the 120th alignment on the 4th side of the cube and 120th accident report in the lab, I guess the 4th side is now deemed 'the local' side,  and we will implement safety measures tomorrow.

Also: Stop making bets on the outcomes of the alignments. It's not funny, you dipsh*ts.

Experiment 0172: A six segment alignment was recorded on the 'local' side. As a precaution, Site {REDACTED} was evacuated. Two hours later, a containment breach occurred. 

But nobody died, yaay.

090 has been determined to predict events, not cause them, and the 1st side has been deemed the 'global' side. 

IT SHOULD BE EUCLID, GUYS.

Experiment 0240: We stepped up our experiments today by trying to directly modify the Rubik's Cube. When a D-Class Personnel tried to make a shift, the cube immediately created a ten-segment alignment of its own accord and then SCP-///  broke containment and {DATA EXPUNGED}.

A couple of Agents were lost, but you know, sucks to suck.

Forced shift testing of 090 is postponed.

Since this overachieving Rubik's Cube is capable of causing events of it's own accord, it's Keter now.

Also: It maaaaay be sentient.  

Psssst, did you see that asterisk?

*: There was a real tsunami in the Indian Ocean. It occurred 2004, 00:58:53 UTC on December 26th, with a registered magnitude of 9.1-9.3. Over 227,898 lives were lost, and it caused over 10 billion USD in damage.

...that's kinda trippy.