Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 20

Andy deserves someone better than you. You don't deserve Andy. He doesn't love you. No body loves you.

For the second night in a row, Remington has a nightmare, this time about the words that Johnathon had said to him in hospital. He hasn't been able to rid his mind of them since.

In his dream, he watches as Andy leaves him, and all he can do it scream and shout for him to come back. But he doesn't.

Remington is in tears when he wakes up, but isn't prepared to disturb the man beside him, and so wipes his eyes and tries to get back to sleep. He doesn't understand why Johnathon's words are affecting him so much, but he doesn't like it. Why can't he just be happy?

His plan to go back to sleep hardly works, and in the morning, he's tired and anxious and desperately in need of some reassurance and cuddles.

"Morning," he mumbles, sitting at the breakfast bar.

Andy smiles. "Coffee?"

Remington nods and yawns. "Please," he says, trying to hide how exhausted he is. He knows that if Andy sees then the man will know something is wrong and therefore probably cancel on the studio to stay with Remington. The boy doesn't feel important enough for that to happen. He can manage, anyway. He's given a hot cup of coffee and thanks his boyfriend quietly.

"Are you okay, sweetheart, you look exhausted," the man queries, sitting beside the younger.

With a sigh, Remington answers. "Fine," he states, "I'm just not wearing any makeup." It's clear that he's not fine, just by the way he talks. He's not very good and lying to someone so close to him.

The rock star frowns. "What's wrong?" He asks, "don't say nothing, because I can see that something is wrong."

"Nothing, Andy, I'm fucking fine!" Remington shouts, turning away from the man. He hates that he just shouted at him. He's very hypocritical, if you think about it. Telling everyone else not to shout but then shouting at them. It doesn't really seem very fair.

The room goes quiet and then Andy talks softy. "You don't need to hide from me, princess, it's alright." His voice is calming, understanding. "It's okay if something's wrong, sweetheart, it's nothing to be ashamed of." He sips his coffee.

The boy exhales. "It's just-it's stupid. And you need to go, anyway, so it's fine." The truth is, it isn't fine. It's going to keep scraping at the side of his head until he talks about it. But it doesn't matter.

Andy shakes his head. "I'm not going anywhere until I know that you're okay. And, baby boy, don't ever think that something that upsets you is stupid."

Remington can't help the feeling of guilt he has when the man says this. It's bittersweet, really, having someone care so deeply for him, because he doesn't deserve it. That's what he believes, anyway. But we all know how wrong that is. But at the same time, it is so fucking relieving and soothing to have Andy here, to know that the man genuinely does care for him, even if sometimes it seems like no one does. "You can't sacrifice your day for me," he protests, "I'll be fine, Andy, really, I will." The hot coffee warms him inside.

"I can, princess, and I will. You are more important than my band." He sounds so certain, so sure. "Now, angel, what's wrong?"

It's hard to resist the gentle question, but Remington feels so stupid just thinking about what the problem is. "Nothing," is what he says in response, "it doesn't matter." Yes, it does.

"Remington, stop this. It does matter." It upsets Andy when his boy talks so badly about himself. Holly did that to him.

"I had a nightmare, okay? I had a fucking nightmare about you leaving me, Andy, and it's messing with me!" He turns to look at the man and sighs. "I just-it just feels like I don't deserve you," he mumbles, looking away.

Andy puts his drink down. "Oh kitten, it's alright, hey, it's okay. Come here, it's alright." Remington is hesitant, but accepts the hug, and the older man rubs his back. "There's nothing wrong with feeling like that, but you can't hide it all inside. I love you and if something is wrong, you tell me, baby, and we can make it better together." He pulls back and kisses his head. "Okay?"

Nodding and yawning again, Remington sits back down. "Okay," he agrees, "together."

"Exactly. Together."