Help Me (sequel to Save Me)

Chapter 21

Remington begins to think that there is something really wrong with him when he has a nightmare for the third time in a row. He's doing everything he's meant to be doing. Taking his stupid pills, going to therapy, talking about his problems. So why is he having fucking nightmares again? What is he doing wrong?

It's distressing, actually, for this to be happening to him. The nightmares alone are scary, but the fact that he's having them again just makes it all so much worse. When he told Abigail about it in therapy yesterday, she suggested that it might be because he's sleeping in a house that's fairly new to him, with someone who he isn't used to living with. But it still doesn't make sense in Remington's head.

He is sitting in bed at two eighteen in the morning in the dark, contemplating what to do. He won't be able to get back to sleep if he doesn't do something, but at the same time, he doesn't have it in him to wake the man beside him. The clock on the wall outside the bedroom is ticking in a constant, mind grating, rhythm, and Remington finds himself counting the seconds. Maybe that'll help him to sleep.

Maybe not.

With his fists, he rubs his eyes, and then sighs heavily, dropping his hands into his lap and leaning his head back against the head board. If he woke Andy up, would that help? The man did say to ask for help when he needs it. But does he really need it, though?

His heart bangs in his chest and he wonders when he started panicking like this. It hurts. And it hurts that it's happening to him. The boy remembers those nights living with Emerson and with Sebastian, when he had to wake them up because he was having a panic attack. They never made him feel bad for doing that. They always helped him, made him calm. Surely Andy would do the same.

It's just unsettling, experiencing this in a different house with a different person. What if Andy doesn't help? What if he laughs at him, or worse? What if he shouts?

No, that was Holly. Andy would never do that.

But what if he does?

His eyes are watering, dribbling onto his cheeks in hot trickles. Great. Now I'm fucking crying.

The boy sniffles and tries to calm himself down before he really does have a panic attack. He picks up the glass of water from beside the bed and sips it, puts it back down carefully, and exhales slowly. The tears don't stop, though, and his heart doesn't slow down. It does quite the fucking opposite, actually, and he ends up struggling to inhale oxygen.

There's movement beside him. Great. He's woken Andy with all his stupid panicking. "Sweetheart?" The man says quietly, "hey, sweetheart, look at me." Remington does, turning his head and inhaling sharply with a strangled breath. Andy turns a light on and the boy squints, whimpering and covering his face with his hands. "Shh-baby-it's alright, it's okay," Andy soothes, "Come on, sweetheart, deep breaths, you're okay." He can see the young man quivering.

Remington makes himself take a breath, and abruptly crawls onto Andy's lap, so desperately needing the comfort of a cuddle. He leans into the warmth of the man and closes his eyes, focussing on breathing. Andy rubs his back with one hand and pulls the covers up over him with the other, seeing as Remington is most likely going to fall asleep like this. He switches off the light and sinks down into the bed, the boy in his arms securely.

Andy wonders how long Remington was awake before he woke up. It's saddening to him that the young man didn't wake him up for help. He knows that Remington struggles to ask for help. "You okay now?" He asks once the boy has stopped crying. A small incoherent noise comes from Remington, and then he answers with a nod.

Neither of them say anything more, because nothing more needs to be said.

In the morning, Andy has to go to the studio, and so leaves a note on the kitchen table. He leaves for the studio before Remington has woken up, and decides against waking him up because of last nights events. He'll be really tired.

When Remington gets up, he lazily dresses in a hoodie and tracksuits and goes down stairs for some coffee, where he finds the note on the table.

Remington,
I'm at the studio until seven today. I hope you're feeling alright this morning. If you need me to come home, just give me a call and I will. I love you. I'll see you later.
Andy x
Ps - there's a jar of Nutella in the cupboard that I bought for you the other day. <3

The note makes him smile. Sometimes it's the little things that mean the most. Just the fact that Andy remembers that Remington likes Nutella makes him feel special. He's important to Andy.

He makes himself some coffee and sits at the breakfast bar with it, reading the note again. He's got the whole day to himself.

Remington decides he's going to spend it with his brothers. it's been too long since the three of them were together. He tries to call Sebastian, but there's no answer. Strange. Sebastian always has his phone on him.

Emerson does answer, though, and is keen on the idea of spending the day with his best friend. When he's asked about Sebastian, he says he hasn't heard from him in a while either, which is a bit odd. Normally Sebastian is the one checking up on them.

The two younger brothers meet at the coffee shop at around midday, and agree to go round to Sebastian's place. Maybe he's just slept in late or something.

Or maybe not.

When they get there, the front door is unlocked, which surely means he's up and has been out for a run or something.

Or he never locked it in the first place.

Remington opens the door and steps inside. "Sebastian?" He calls, "Sebby, are you here?"

There's an answer from the living room. It isn't exactly the answer he was after. "No!" Just that one simple short word gives away what he's doing, why they haven't heard from him.

He's so fucking drunk.